It's about time they played something good.
01/19/06 11:01 PM
Here I set this thing up with the full intention of
flooding the market with daily updates, and then the
world went all kablooie on me and shit needed done.
Who gets the call when shit needs done? Me, that's
who. I carry the shit doing stick, which is what God
used to dig canyons and stuff like that. "Shit Doing
Stick" is the lamest name ever for any tool, but it
was named by the Almighty, and who am I to mess with
that? He'd be the first to admit He isn't good with
making up names for things.
Okay, enough of that. I'm here to today to talk about Journey, which (for you children out there) was a very famous rock band (a so-called "supergroup"!) back in the late 70's through the mid 80's. They did some stuff after that which was all horrible, so people my age pretty much just pretend the band died in a plane crash somewhere outside Topeka in 1986. These guys were so frickin' huge they even had their own Atari game in '82 called "Journey Escape", perhaps the lamest Atari 2600 title ever produced. That's really saying something, especially if you were one of those suckers who shelled out 50 bucks for the E.T. game.
Anyway, I don't want you to think I'm some huge Journey fan. I appreciate bigtime their '80's cheese factor, which is completely unparalleled. I was one of the seemingly billions of people who bought the Journey Greatest Hits CD when I was in high school, which like several notable greatest hits collections* didn't actually contain their only good songs. (Note: the following contains iTunes links) Those songs, of course, are "Stone in Love" and the classic 2 song arc, "Feeling That Way/Anytime". Even with these glaring omissions, this CD is one of the biggest selling disks of all time, and from royalties alone Steve Perry is able to swim naked in piles of money every morning like Scrooge McDuck (which always bothered me- wouldn't he get some sort of metal poisoning from always being immersed in filthy gold coins?).
But here's the thing, see- I have this joke. It's my big running gag, the one that I have had going for fifteen years. The one I will see pass on into perpetuity through my progeny. Journey gets played a lot on the radio, even to this day. Tune into any adult contemporary or lite rock station & you're bound to hear some shitty Journey song sooner or later. 80's Flashback Weekend? You better BELIEVE there will be Journey. Don't stop believin'! (TEE-HEE thud)
Whenever this happens, be it in the car or at work or during some lame wedding reception, when any Journey song starts playing I turn to whoever I'm nearest- friend, wife, stranger, random hitchhiker, grocery store clerk; doesn't matter; and I say, "It's about time they played something good."
I don't care if we've been listening to the voice of God doing spoken word poetry being backed by a chorus of angels all day- if "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" comes on I'm saying to somebody in a loud voice, "It's about time they played something good."
Look, this may not seem funny to you, but that's just 'cause you haven't heard me do it like a thousand times. Trust me, over the course of a lifetime, by the 800th or so instance I look over at you and say "It's about time they played something good." when that shitty piano heralds the beginning of "Open Arms" you'll laugh your ass off. Or you'll roll your eyes while I laugh my ass off. Whatever.
But the first time I hear lil' Tyler or tiny Casey say, "It's about time they played something good," when we hit a Journey classic on the iPod will be the proudest moment of my entire life. My heart will grow two sizes that day, I swear.
*I'm looking right at you, Cars Greatest Hits. No "Bye Bye Love"? No "Moving in Stereo"? "Cars Greatest Hits" my fucking ass.
Okay, enough of that. I'm here to today to talk about Journey, which (for you children out there) was a very famous rock band (a so-called "supergroup"!) back in the late 70's through the mid 80's. They did some stuff after that which was all horrible, so people my age pretty much just pretend the band died in a plane crash somewhere outside Topeka in 1986. These guys were so frickin' huge they even had their own Atari game in '82 called "Journey Escape", perhaps the lamest Atari 2600 title ever produced. That's really saying something, especially if you were one of those suckers who shelled out 50 bucks for the E.T. game.
Anyway, I don't want you to think I'm some huge Journey fan. I appreciate bigtime their '80's cheese factor, which is completely unparalleled. I was one of the seemingly billions of people who bought the Journey Greatest Hits CD when I was in high school, which like several notable greatest hits collections* didn't actually contain their only good songs. (Note: the following contains iTunes links) Those songs, of course, are "Stone in Love" and the classic 2 song arc, "Feeling That Way/Anytime". Even with these glaring omissions, this CD is one of the biggest selling disks of all time, and from royalties alone Steve Perry is able to swim naked in piles of money every morning like Scrooge McDuck (which always bothered me- wouldn't he get some sort of metal poisoning from always being immersed in filthy gold coins?).
But here's the thing, see- I have this joke. It's my big running gag, the one that I have had going for fifteen years. The one I will see pass on into perpetuity through my progeny. Journey gets played a lot on the radio, even to this day. Tune into any adult contemporary or lite rock station & you're bound to hear some shitty Journey song sooner or later. 80's Flashback Weekend? You better BELIEVE there will be Journey. Don't stop believin'! (TEE-HEE thud)
Whenever this happens, be it in the car or at work or during some lame wedding reception, when any Journey song starts playing I turn to whoever I'm nearest- friend, wife, stranger, random hitchhiker, grocery store clerk; doesn't matter; and I say, "It's about time they played something good."
I don't care if we've been listening to the voice of God doing spoken word poetry being backed by a chorus of angels all day- if "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'" comes on I'm saying to somebody in a loud voice, "It's about time they played something good."
Look, this may not seem funny to you, but that's just 'cause you haven't heard me do it like a thousand times. Trust me, over the course of a lifetime, by the 800th or so instance I look over at you and say "It's about time they played something good." when that shitty piano heralds the beginning of "Open Arms" you'll laugh your ass off. Or you'll roll your eyes while I laugh my ass off. Whatever.
But the first time I hear lil' Tyler or tiny Casey say, "It's about time they played something good," when we hit a Journey classic on the iPod will be the proudest moment of my entire life. My heart will grow two sizes that day, I swear.
*I'm looking right at you, Cars Greatest Hits. No "Bye Bye Love"? No "Moving in Stereo"? "Cars Greatest Hits" my fucking ass.
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