They (you know- them) just updated the program with which I create the internet. It seems I can now add tags to blog entries (because I really need that in my life), amongst other things. But I don't think the tag thing is working right yet, because if you click on a tag, only one entry shows up & not all of the similarly tagged ones. I guess this is what you get when you download software the instant it becomes available. I would blame myself, but I don't like to do that, so I'll blame the President. Ass.

EDIT: Yeah, I'm turning off Tags for the moment, but I'm leaving Categories on, which is almost the same thing anyway. The RealMac guys have some kinks to work out. Good update overall though.

Tags: Internet What? IGNORE ME! Testing

I was corresponding with Annika earlier today about how much I like her new blog layout with the three columns and whatnot, and I asked her how the ad thing is working out for her. Personally, I like ads on people's blogs- it makes them seem important, like 'My company simply MUST be in the Annika's Blog business!". Of course, she has pretty good traffic, being a regular updater and also being so shiny & stuff, so having ads makes sense and is somewhat lucrative.

I, as you know pretty goddam well, am not a regular updater of this thing. Or even semi-regular. Much like my cramped and painful trips to the bathroom, I am irregular as hell. But, I average something like 6 or 9 (my math is absolute and indisputable) comments every time I post, which means even though I make you wait, you keep coming back. That's nice, thanks. You're all keen and smell flowery.

Tags: Internet Pals What?

Fresh and new! Smells like a shoe! It's a new theme!

Not going to lie here people, I've been down in the dumps a bit lately. Lots of circumstances contribute to this, not the least of which is the goddam weather. But, today we have had lots of sunshine and it seems like spring is finally fucking here. Fuckin' A. The continual grayness of each day just grinds on me like a crackhead table dancer two dollars short of a fix. It's relentless.

WHOOPS! I should warn you- this entry may include some swear words because I feel like swearing a lot for no real reason. Little late on the fucking warning you say? Well fuck me! You're fucking right. I'm totally sorry about that! Totally fucking sorry!

AAAHHHH.... that's better.

Sad news that I was belatedly made aware of via Entertainment Weekly a few weeks ago- the singer for Boston, Brad Delp, killed himself. I'm sure I would have heard this much sooner if I hadn't given up on classic rock radio years ago. But late as it is, it is sad news nonetheless. The first CD I ever purchased was Boston's first self-titled disc, and back then CD's cost like 25 bucks, so that was a major commitment. That dude sure could wail.

Happier news- we've had some very productive meetings with various doctors and county representatives in regards to Casey's autism, so we're feeling good about that. Soon we'll know more about what hoops we're gonna have to leap through for school and therapy and stuff. More info later.

Did anyone catch the last 30 Rock? The main gag of the episode was a running Cleveland joke; Liz was considering moving here with her new boyfriend to get away from the pressures of New York. Usually these things are just mean pokes at our little town, but 30 Rock went the other way with it- making us look so ridiculously great that, if you didn't know any better, you'd wonder why everyone didn't want to move here. "We all want to flee to the Cleve!" It was very funny and kind of sweet. One of the writers on the show must be from here because they seemed to know an awful lot of tiny details, although I don't think they'd spent a lot of time here recently as there were several references to how great the clubbing is down in the Flats, which as everyone here knows is nothing but a crime ridden, giant river rat infested empty shell of what it once was years ago (the new Flats is the warehouse district). It was an awesome tribute in spite of some tiny dated details, however. If you guys haven't seen 30 Rock, please do- it is a great sitcom. By the hammer of THOR!

Speaking of hammers, I just found my good one in the basement and it MADE MY FUCKING DAY. I'd broken a whole bunch of shitty hammers fixing the fence that I installed last summer (incorrectly of course, hence the fixing part). I couldn't find the good one, and it was very distressing. That hammer has been passed down to me from my father, and to him by his father before. It's magic and ancient and nigh-invulnerable. In fact, if I'd had that hammer when I put up that fence, I'm certain I would have done it right the first time. It's that powerful. It would prevent me from stupidly hanging a fence fucking backwards.

And oh, Venture Bros. Season 2 on DVD. People- I can't stress this enough- this show is the motherfucking balls.



I leave you with my latest religious-themed license plate find. I shot this on the freeway this morning on the way to work. Since I can't look through the viewfinder of the camera while driving (that would be very unsafe for me and other drivers!), I just had to point in the general direction of the car and shoot like a hundred pictures. And, since I wasn't sure that I'd gotten a good one using that method, and I wouldn't be able to check until I was safely stopped off the freeway somewhere, and if I did wait to check and I didn't get the shot I'd have missed any opportunity to get the shot again, I decided the best thing to do would be to run this car off the road and just get the picture while they were flipped upside down in the ditch or smashed against the retaining wall. As it happens though, one of the shots I got on the road worked out best anyway. Hooray!

Tags: Internet T.V. Venture Brothers Swearing License Plates Pictures

Well, I wasn't.

This is just a quick hit to tell you about the shiny changes over at bitmatt! Check it out and marvel at the shiny.

Now I'm going to fall into a coma for a little while.

Tags: Internet Bitmatt I Am Professional

The following link is a spoiler for the current half season of LOST, but not for last night's episode, the week before's. There's this sequence that's all super messed up and scary, and some genius posted a video of it in reverse and fancy new details are revealed! Even if you don't watch LOST, but like scary messed up things, you should watch it anyway.

SCARY AND INFORMATIVE!!!

Tags: T.V. Internet

I WANT THIS SO BAD.

We're ready to believe you!

Tags: What? Internet

Long story short (to be elaborated upon later), I had to re-do some things here and now the comments are 4 entries off starting somewhere in June. I don't think I can fix it without nuking things, and I don't want to be added to the Axis of Evil just yet. This is a test to see if, starting here, the comments will be back on the correct entries. Sucks, I know- but I apologize for nothing as it is not really inconvenient to anyone except me.

Tags: Internet Testing IGNORE ME!

Hi all! I've been disappeared for a while. Just really overwhelmed with things now. I could have come on here and whined some & we all could have had a good cry about it, but I hate that more than hemorrhoids, so I won't do it.

Instead I thought I'd bring something for show-n-tell today, a somewhat appropriate little thing I just found while looking for something else. Back in the golden olden times some of you may remember I ran a dumb thing called M.O.M. over at the WD, which was really just a desperate (and largely successful) ploy to get lots of girls to giggle and write me love notes. Anyway, those of you in the know will recall that I had a newsletter that had a total of nine issues before I got distracted by something shiny and stopped doing it. Those were fun, weren't they? I always wanted to write another one.

Well, as it happens, I did. Actually I never finished it, but I did get a nice start on M.O.M. News #10. Nobody has ever seen it, and I had completely forgotten about it. Tonight I was doing a Spotlight search for some artwork I did years ago to recycle into a new project and I ran across this opening article, which was set forth as a completely lame excuse as to why I hadn't gotten around to writing a new newsletter in so long. Here it is.

it's M.O.M. NEWS!       number 48       11/22/2003

Where have you guys been? I've been worried sick!

Ha-ha-ha! Kidding! I joke with you. It's not really issue #48, it's only issue #10. I just wanted to make it seem like I'm not so lazy and neglectful by distracting you with an amiable deflection- a red herring, if you will. For a moment there I had you thinking that maybe- just maybe, you had somehow missed 39 issues of M.O.M. News. Since it has been so long since the last one, that story certainly seems plausible... mayhem couldn't possibly be so lackadaisical as to go this many months with no M.O.M. update, could he? It must somehow be your fault! Perhaps you'd forgotten to check your PMs in a timely fashion and all those newsletters had just disappeared. Naturally, that doesn't seem likely, since the only reason you ever log in is for the flashy envelope. No way you missed 39 PMs! It must be something else. Wait! Did you say something to upset him? Is he just not sending you newsletters because he is mad at you? What was it that you did? You don't know!

I assure you- I am that lackadaisical. Not your fault at all! All mine. MINE! See what I did there? I shifted blame. My one true skill!

It's just like this one time, back at the pool hall, when Chester (the peg-leg bartender) came in one day demanding to know who had been screwin' his girlfriend behind his back. We asked him how he knew she'd been steppin' out on him, and he answered, "Doc says Lola's got crabs. I ain't got crabs, so it must be one of youze! Whoever it is- yer DEAD!"

I quickly spoke up and said, "Hey man- not me! Everyone knows I only have the Clap! It must be Frankie- he's always diggin' at his pecker!"

Chester then broke a barstool over Frankie's head and put him in a coma for three weeks. That was really unfortunate for Frankie as he missed three weeks worth of Carnival wages and then was evicted from the dockside hotel room he'd been sharing with Freddy Two-Toes and Slow Johnny for missing the rent. He was killed a few weeks later by a hobo who caught him stealing a ham sandwich in an abandoned boxcar down by the old paint factory. Don't mess with hobos- they're mean!

Frankie hadn't been humping Lola, of course. Frankie didn't even have crabs. He just liked to grab himself in the presence of others. I smartly neglected to mention to Chester that I not only had the Clap, but a ripping case of crabs too. I had picked them up from one of my regular "conjugal visits" to the women's prison outside of town where I had lots of pen-pals. But Chester's Lola- she was hotsie-totsie! Those gams went all the way up, if you know what I'm sayin'. Plus, Lola wouldn't have given Frankie the time of day- she was pure class, what with all the teeth she had. A lot more teeth than those prison gals, I can tell you. And hair in the proper places. Woo!

FYI- I had Doc burn all my cooties when I turned seventeen, so rest assured- there's nothing moving around in these pants!


Anyhow, on with the show.

Tags: Pals Internet The WD What?

I yanked the link to this Online Presence NOT BLOG off my professional site not because I'm afraid a current or potential employer might get here from there (I don't care), I did it because I think I might want to start telling stories about Becky's kraaaazy family. I'm considering a recurring feature, "Single Sentence Of Drama", which would follow the general guidelines set forth in this post. The only reason I'm mentioning this now is to remind myself why I did it later.

Also I should mention for those interested in The Process, Adobe InDesign is the bomb-diggety. You don't even KNOW! For my current projects I've made the switch from Quark Xpress, which I used for years and years. Now I've got a whole slew of recurring jobs that I always do in Quark that I'm wondering if it would be worth it to redo using InDesign. It's a joy to use. I feel privileged just to be alive in the time of such a program. I'd say "I'm not worthy" except that's a gay thing to say and everybody knows that I'm the worthiest (most worthyful) ever.

Tags: I Am Professional Bitmatt Internet Computer

First, my right eyelid keeps twitching. I can't make it stop, it's been doing this on and off for a week. Very distracting. What's up with that? People probably think I'm winking at them inappropriately - I am not! And then I tell them, "Hey- no matter what you're thinking, I am not winking at you." They say, "Uh- I didn't think you were winking at me." I think they are lying to me and reply, "Okay, but I'm not. Winking. I'm not winking at you. Now, I mean." Them: "Okay. Whatever." It's all very awkward. Why do all these people keep lying to me about not thinking I'm winking at them? That's so weird! I've learned many things by reading the Q&A pages printed on the backside of the centerfold in Playboy all these years (not the girl's backside, the back side of the- oh never mind), and the most important thing is that Playmates are totally turned off by liars.

Second, today we can't get radio streams via iTunes or access the iTunes Music Store over the network here at the day job. I've been checking various Mac-related forums and news sites, but nobody else seems to be having this same problem, or at least nobody is bitching about it. What's up with that? I suspect that our building's router might need to be reset to open up whatever network port iTunes uses to access the net, but there's a sales meeting going on in the room where the router closet is and I don't want to explain to those guys that I'm resetting the otherwise perfectly working internet because I can't stream NPR and I'm bored. Plus they will think I'm winking at them and I'll have to go through the whole "I'm totally not winking at you" thing again and that joke is getting very old and tired.

I think I'm going to jump on the blogosphere bandwagon (I debated in my head a good twenty seconds whether or not I should put "blogosphere bandwagon" in quote marks before I decided I'm a jackass) and put links in the sidebar to other people's blogs. God-DAMN I hate the word "blog". Anyway, I came to this idea because I discovered this thing where I can see that some of my hits come from other blogs that have mentioned or linked to mine, and I thought that was sorta cool. The downside is that I don't really read many other people's blogs. It's nothing personal- you know I love you- I simply don't have a lot of time normally to stay up on things. Now, if you would be so kind as to add some girl-on-girl pornography (the real thing, none of that poser stuff) or offer free iPod nano's or something, I'd be there every day. As we stand I just get around every once in a while, and if you're lazy like me and only update every once in a while then it works out perfectly and I never miss anything. However, if you're one of those that update two or three times a day or write posts that take more than thirty seconds to read, well, I get behind. MY BAD. I'm a terrible pretend internet person in your computer pal. Every couple of weeks I'll go check out Dee's LJ or The P@rix, but I totally admit that I often just read the last entry or skim a few lines here and there. Even Annika, whom I'd take a bullet for (leg or shoulder, please- NO FACE, buttocks okay), updates too often and with too many words for me to follow right along with. Not sure where I'm going with this except to say I'm a bad person and to make it up to you I'd stick your link over on the side over there––>. I've seen other people do that, it seems to be very popular. Let me know via comment or e-mail and a link shall be yours. Also, as a bonus, it will look like I read all those blogs religiously and I have so many great friends that I just have to let everyone know about! I'm such a hub of internet social assemblage! Like MySpace except with fewer pedophile predators!

Okay, the same number of pedophile predators. But with better spelling skills!

I'm not winking!

Tags: What? I Am Professional Internet Computer Pals

I'm trying out this new public beta of the program I make my sites with, RapidWeaver. I'm going to make this entry, save it, and hope nothing explodes. In case something explodes, tell my wife and kids I love them, okay? Promise me!

Yesterday I was going to take advantage of the holiday off by trying to get a freelance project or two done. I have four deadlines this week! Eek! Eek! Instead of doing that, however, I ended up renting a big plumber's snake (or "drain router" as they're calling them these days) to clear the clog in our outside plumbing which was causing the five inch deep lake to form in our driveway and garage after the deluge that came down the night before. At the time I was major league grade-A pissed off that I had to do this (homeownership is a bitch), and I'd be way more upset about this turn of events right now if I hadn't gone and fixed that stuck drain! FUCKIN' A RIGHT I FIXED IT!!! These things hardly ever work, but after a couple hours of me jamming and twisting this electric rotating springy coil down one drain hole after another until it grabbed something it could chew, suddenly there was success! My garage and driveway flushed like a damn toilet! FLOOOOSH! Hundreds of gallons of water came blowing through the pipes at ludicrous speed. I was running around and screaming like I just ripped a gamewinner in the sixty-first minute or whatever soccer terms you want to insert! I was coated in sewage- heck, I probably still am, but who cares? Not me! I fixed the drain!

When I returned my rental, there were a couple guys pulling up to the Home Depot at the same time I was to return their rented snake. One of them, a really beefy handy-looking type, saw I was bringing back my snake and asked, "Did you get it?"

I said, "Hell yeah I got it! I'm a BAD MAN. You get yours?"

He said, "Nope." and looked sad.

I said, "Aw man, sorry to hear that." I thought, "SUCKER!"

Tags: Good Times IGNORE ME! Internet Computer What? The Home Front

For years I've had an "under construction" message on my other site, mayhems.com. That was a huge lie since I haven't been constructing shit over there. Until now, that is. I finally decided that it was time to put to work some of these many many gigabytes of webspace I've got out there in the ether, maybe make something of myself. I'm getting into event photography- I just got done shooting a wedding this weekend that went EXTREMELY well, and I want to set up online contact sheets and a new design and photo portfolio. My hosting company for mayhem's dot com was this outfit called ADDR.com, which I went with six years ago because they were cheap for the time for what they provided. Back in those days finding decent hosting for under $10 a month was a lot tougher than it is today. Knowing they were real cheap, I was willing to overlook a few service glitches here and there. For the first four years or so ADDR wasn't actually that bad, they had kind of wonky e-mail servers, but the uptime and connection speed were well within my "acceptable" range.

The last two years have been a constant struggle with them. Completely unreliable and inconsistent service, random periods of slow or no connection, e-mail outages that would last for hours. Besides laziness, I stuck with them for a couple reasons. First, the outages weren't that big a deal to me since I didn't have an active site going on their server. I used my space there mostly for transferring large files to clients and for storing various files and proofs that I would direct-link to. Second, I had all my e-mail running through them as well as the e-mail of several friends and relatives, and it's a pain to change all that.

The one thing ADDR always had going for it was their 24 hour tech support. They were always quick to respond no matter what time of day. That was nice until the past year when the service outages started to become more frequent. When I'd mention my site was down again I'd get back the same form response to the likes of, "We're sorry- we are currently upgrading our servers, so there may be a short interruption of service. We apologize for any inconvenience..." blah blah BLAH. After a year of getting told they were upgrading over and over you'd think that something over there would work by now. Anyway, I had uploaded all the color corrected and retouched photos from this wedding that I had worked until 2 a.m. on to get them up by Monday so that people could see them like I said they could, and all day I get "Cannot connect to server" messages. Well, that was IT. I've had it with these knobs.

I'm moving everything over to Network Solutions, which is the service that hosts this site. I've had no problems with them except for maybe their hardball aggressive marketing, but get past that and they've been solid and reasonably priced. The switch has been a most-of-day project, but I think once the DNS change clears everything should be GO and that link I've posted to the right will take you to a site that actually works.

I don't know why I'm telling you this, except perhaps just to tell you that I'm an official Wedding Photographer now too. I've got like ten jobs! A man so pretty shouldn't have to work this hard.

Tags: I Am Professional Internet What?

Trying out a new theme-thing. It's pretty spiffy, I think. Please let me know if it is acting wonky for you, 'kay?

-Love you!
Your best friend, Matt.

Tags: IGNORE ME! Internet

You might be able to help me in one of my design projects for FUN and PROFITS!!!

I've got this job for a regional theatre company, my best freelance customer. Among other shows they're putting on this coming season is Scrooge!, which will be their big Christmas family-oriented moneymaker next year. I've got to do the marketing images and brochures, posters, ads, etc. For Scrooge! they want Tiny Tim on Scrooge's shoulder, both gleeful in their newfound Xmas Spirit as they wander the streets in creepy period ecstasy. It will be moving, I assure you.

I have my Tim & Scrooge shot (which I am so glad I got, because this was the only one this kid would smile for), a serviceable logo, but no street. Here's what I've got so far. NOTE: this is basically untouched yet. I still have to do some things, mainly create a chin for Scrooge because they don't want the beard. This guy is an actor and couldn't shave because the beard is needed for a current show he's in.

I need a background! I'm not going to draw London. I'm just not. This is where you people and your cameras can maybe help me out for FUN and PROFITS!!!

Anybody got a picture of an old-looking London street with old-looking London buildings? Could you take one? There has to be lots of those things lying around that craggy old city. Or, it doesn't have to be London, it just needs to be old and English-y. It would be best if it didn't have easily recognizable landmarks or, of course, extremely modern portions that would be difficult to photoshop out. Really, the more non-descript the better, as I plan on blurring the hell out of it and making it look wintery. Oh- also, a daytime shot would be best unless it's nighttime lit by gaslight, which I think is unlikely since I know your time machine is in the shop right now.

Here are some examples of sort-of what I'm looking for:

This last one I'm including mostly for the perspective. If your shot has cars at the bottom like this, that's okay- I can take those out.

Okay, that was the FUN part, now PROFITS!!! Because this is a professional business-type transaction, I'll pay for a useable shot. How does twenty U.S. dollars sound? I don't know what that comes out in England money, like 12 shillings or something (an educated guess- I bet I'm super close). So if you have a shot like this just mouldering away on your hard drive, or can just step outside and take a picture with your phone or Insta-Matic or whatever it is you use for picture-taking, I'll Pay-Pal you bigtime. You will be able to put "Professional Photographer Person" on your resumé.

One thing- I won't be paying everyone who sends me pictures 20 bucks, just one super talented Photographer Person will be getting the cash. So I guess this is sort of a contest, but not really.

If you can help me out, please comment or e-mail me- matt @ crankymatty.com (except take out the spaces. We're so fooling spambots! Tee-hee!). Thanks lots in advance. I think I'll post this over at the WD too, what the heck.

UPDATE: Just wanted to mention that I'm only paying for an original, license free photograph. I could slog through stock photography sites and find something, but I'm trying to avoid paying license fees for something I'm just going to use blurry in the background.


In other news, this morning I stood at the kitchen counter for twenty minutes eating chicken skin. What is wrong with me?

Tags: Internet I Am Professional Pals Pictures

Must make quick- very tired, somewhat drunk, need bed soon. Things need updated, here we go.

Cavs finally lost to Deee-Troit! basketball team in a seven game struggle. Awesome- I had a great time watching basketball this year, and the future looks bright.

My Bettie and Will finally had their baby after a weekend of collective held breathing. Big problems, but all's good- go look at this thing if you like baby pictures. I hate baby pictures.

I've been unusually busy, and the kids have not been respectful of my time this week. Sleep back to brutal after weeks of making it until 7 a.m. every night for a month. Dad not happy, kids don't care- still cute. Jerks.

This unusual busyness, it's good, but also bad. See, this is supposed to be my slow time- my sit back and watch the checks roll in time. No- BUSY. And I know that my traditional busy season is coming. It'll be graphic design crazy go nuts soon! I can only sit here and sigh. SIT... SIGH

I just watched the last Harry Potter movie- what was that? Goblet of Fire? Think so. Anyway, I really deeply enjoyed it. Very good movie. Best yet, they've finally got that thing down. Still won't read the books, that's for queers.

I opted out of Soupy's Wetpaint mod thing. I was really serial about the LeBron James site, which I think could be very fun if done right, but I just plain don't have the time. I think I probably could've done some simple shit and strung her company along for a while to squeeze a few checks, but I'd feel just awful about it. They're doing nice things with our interweb over there and I don't want to screw with their flow. Chainsaw is still the smelliest girl in Smellytown though. I saw it in National Geographic two years ago- the Smellytown exposé. Those guys won awards for that stuff, but at what price? Is an award enough for the grieving widow and three small children (one of whom is crippled or someshit) of the Smellytown story photographer who lost his battle with nose cancer? Is that going to bring that poor guy back? No. No it won't.

Veronica Mars will be back next season! That brings so much excitement to all parts of my being, especially the shameful ones.

Tags: What? Kids Pictures Movies Pals T.V. Sports Internet

Sorry- no interweb fo me this weekend. THE FUCKING SQUIRRELS ATE MY CABLE. I'm totally serial about this. THE SQUIRRELS.

Anywhoo, I feel like I've let someone down. And I hate to turn this into a sports blog because there are much more entertaining ones than I could do, but I feel like I'm a traitor to my homer roots by counting the Cavaliers out against the smelly Deeetroit Pistons. I said they'd be "whipped" by those stiffs, and LOOKIE WHO'S GOT THE SERIES BACK TO EVEN TWO TO TWO. That would be my Cleveland Cavaliers and the mighty (and if I could be so bold to say supple) LeBron James. Series tied all up, BITCHES. That's right, I just called everyone on the planet a bitch FOR NO REASON. Playoff Fever! Catch It! Bitches!

Thousands of people write about what is happening with James every time he bounces a ball, but I'll simplify all that for you folks- we are watching the greatest basketball player ever in real time, not just in historical perspective. LeBron James is 21 years old and he is already ripping up records Jordan and Magic set- JORDAN and MAGIC. His teammates BELIEVE. This franchise was a fucking joke four years ago. Today they might be a few steps away from the NBA finals*. Shit.

*Getting ahead of myself? Maybe- but if... WHEN the Cavs win this series against Detroit, does anyone think the Nets or the Heat could beat them? I'll answer "no" for you.

Tags: What? Sports Internet Pictures

I wrapped up a project at work half an hour before quittin' time, and since it is Friday and since I like to goof off and get paid (like you don't), I decided, instead of starting the next project, to continue my recent (half-assed) crusade to check up on old pals that I've let go un-checked far too long now*. This has been an only sorta successful campaign, mostly because I am easily sidetracked by life these days. Not to mention how amazingly, incredibly stupid I've become in the last couple years. I've never been under the impression that I was any smarter than anyone (and certainly not most of my net pals, who are some of the sharpest knives in the drawer), but at least I could keep up, you know? These days, not so much. It's actually been very frustrating- but that's another post. A sad post. One that I'll never make, because we don't do sad posts here at Cranky Matty's O.P., we only preach the Truth. The Truth is that I'm feeling very retarded! Maybe I had a stroke that I didn't notice. They hit quick, you know; and not just old fuckers- super young and pretty people like me can be cut down in the prime of life by a debilitating stroke. Billy Squier sang a song about it. You should check that out and take precautions, because you could be a winner boy- you move quite well.

I sent a PM to my (our) friend Chandler, who's real name is not Chandler, but she would not appreciate my revealing her trade secrets here so I won't. First of all, I was afraid that she had disappeared off the board (the Watcher's Diary over at Buffyguide, for those of you who don't know me from there), and that would have been just devastating. She let her very neglected blog dry up quite some time ago, and if I couldn't get her through the BG I'd have to just assume something terrible had happened, because I am a worrier. I'd have to write a letter or something, and Channy lives in Israel. Can you imagine the fricking postage? What, am I made of money, Chandler? Okay, I would have stolen the postage from the meter at work, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. You had me very worried young lady- I hope you'll act more responsibly next time.

As it turns out she still logs into the BG enough so her online persona hasn't been dispatched to the ether. Bitchin'! I sent her a completely trivial and nonsensical PM which I'm certain she will enjoy whenever it is she gets to look at computers in that strange land of hers.

Basically, it just said that I haven't shaved in a few days, and betwixt that and my unkempt, spikey hair I look like I might be prickly to the touch.

That's the message I greet her with after almost no communication in two years. My social skills are just amazing! See all those spots swirling before your eyes? That's your sense of bewilderment! Wooooo! Or carbon monoxide poisoning! GET OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW.

Tonight! I am baby free until at least eleven o'clock p.m. as they are with Mommy visiting the sibs at Ohio State. What to do? WHAT? Thar be TiVo t'be catchin' up on (hours and hours!), and certainly I could do some work as I have Monday deadlines. And billing! I need to bill things for the people to send me money. Or clean- shit is PILING UP. Could definitely clean up. Or I could drink beer and type. Drink and type. Type and drink. That does have a certain appeal.


*Don't feel left out if I haven't included you in my Grand Crusade yet. My Grandness has thus far consisted of a few very desperate seeming PM's to Merope. I guess that makes it more of an Exploit than a Crusade, but "exploit" is a weak little sister of a word. "Crusade" is very George W. Bush-ian.

Tags: I Am Professional Kids Tunes Pals Internet TV

I wasn't going to add comments to the Tip of the Day! section. Why? I don't know, mostly because I didn't realize that I could. But I just figured that out, so now you can tell me how right I am. I also added an RSS feed over there too. That way you will know almost instantly when I've posted my awesome and inspiring advice for your enrichment, which I am going to attempt to update daily like the title would lead us all to believe. We'll see how that goes.

Oh- and P.S.- Does anyone know what the "trackback" thing is? I'm just going to disable it if no one can give me a good reason not to. All the "(0)"'s depress me.

Tags: What? Internet Testing

As you may have noticed, you've been directed from my old temporary webspace to my new fancy URL. I'll keep the redirect page up on the other site, but save yourself five seconds every time you visit me and bookmark this now! Also (and I hope this is the last time for a while), you'll once again need to reestablish an RSS subscription, since the feed is on a whole new server. Again, I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not.

I'm no sorry liar.

Tags: Internet

Since Dee brought up the totally sad fact that she has all Journey's records on vinyl (something she should never, ever tell anyone ever again, even if it isn't true), we should discuss the fact that they had really cool album covers. But not nearly as cool as Asia's. Check these things out! I think they had some other ones too, but for most of these I believe they never actually recorded any new songs for. They just shipped empty album covers. Nobody complained as that was all anyone bought these records for anyway.

Tags: Tunes Pals Internet

The freebie theme I was using as my site here was only about 65% pretty, which left a whole lotta ugly. I'm no good at math, but that's more ugly than I was willing to put up with in my extraordinarily attractive life. I don't know much about HTML or nothin', but I really wanted things here to conform to my wishes. AND I HAVE DONE JUST THAT. It took me like three hours to figure out how to change three lines of code so that 1.) the content copy was a little smaller and tighter- it was a bit horsey before; and 2.) the links didn't have that obnoxious blue box behind them, just nice underlines for smooth reading. SUPER. I'm a freakin' force of nature! Zipadeedoo! CSS- I dub thee "bitchcake". Go fetch me a beer and make it snappy or I'll change a default web-safe typeface on your sweet ass. That's right.

I also figured out how to switch out the built in mountain graphic and just have my picture there, so I seem much less the loser and far more awesome and cool. I'd say about 90,000 percent cooler, by my calculations.

Tags: Testing Internet

• The URL which this site sits is most likely temporary. I have some other things in the works, and this thing is part of that.

• I hate the term "blog", so I won't use it. To me it is a very ugly and graceless word, like "pus" or "Donald Trump".

• You'll notice, especially if you have a slow-ish internet connection, that the logo graphic of my own cranky baby face I have in the upper left corner of the page is actually covering a picturesque mountain landscape. This was the graphic that came with this particular template, and templates are not easily editable in this program. Therefore, I just covered it up. Lame? Yes. Especially for one who claims to be a "computer graphics professional". I should say that I am a computer graphics professional with very little time or energy to make up his own website. Hopefully that is changing.

• I am writing this to get back in the habit of writing. As many of you most likely know, I used to post a lot over at the BuffyGuide, but then came the babies and more work & responsibility. Had to quit the fun stuff for a while. But now I'm finding I have a bit more free time and a jones to type words again. Fun, eh? EH?!!?

• I know what brings the traffic, so without further ado- some baby pictures.

Edit: I have figured out how to do some rudimentary edits on this template! So no more mountain photo. Next, I'm gonna try making the link type not have that blue background. Not a fan of that.

Tags: What? Kids Internet I Am Professional Pictures