Work is stultifying to a titanic degree, so let's make a list like Soupyface. I'm not as organized as she is, so this will be a train wreck probably. Themes can suck it. Themes are so conformist. Also communist.

10. Soundgarden's Badmotorfinger. This was the height of their crazy wailing Seattle power and is so awesome that things explode in my brain and sparks shoot out of a bunch of holes sometimes when that album's spinning. People driving next to me when that happens are freaked the fuck out- but they clearly have never rocked out to Jesus Christ Pose.

9. The homeless guy who asked me for seventeen cents two weeks ago. Unlike most bums who just come up and hassle me while I'm trying to get my kids strapped into their carseats outside my in-law's place in the Cleve for whatever change I've got handy, ostensibly to catch the bus or get a sandwich, this dude strolls up and tells THE TRUTH. He goes (all with a great big grin), "Hey man- I see you're tryin' to get your kids in the fuckin' car or whatnot, but can you give me 17 mutherfuckin' cents? I'm fuckin' homeless and I want to go buy a fuckin' beer over there in that fuckin' bar. It fuckin' sucks to be homeless, but I like to drink and that's okay man. Seventeen cents and I''ll stop fuckin' buggin you and go drink. Hey- that's a cute fuckin' kid- what's he gonna be? Football player?"

I totally gave him 17 cents exactly, and he stopped bugging me.

8. The current season of LOST. Whatsit? Four now? It's tits. I really, really wish I had another word to accurately describe how good this season has been. But no- tits is it. Sorry.

7. In the Pixar movie Cars, which Ty is obsessed with and we've now watched dozens of times, there's the hero moment toward the end there. You know- where Lightening McQueen slams on his brakes right before the finish line, giving up his lifelong dream of winning the Piston Cup, and all the glory that comes with that, to go back and push the crashed out and battered legendary racing car, The King, across the line so he can finish his last race; thus completing Lightning's total transformation from self centered jerk to super awesome guy worthy of the respect of his new found friends in the tiny forgotten town of Radiator Springs. In my fragile moments, those times when I haven't slept for a couple days and nothing is going right, I get a little choked up there. A little misty. Sometimes may need a tissue or two.

If any of you ever tells anyone about this I'll cut off your head and fedex it in a plain box to Brad Pitt.

6. Meatballs.

5. We just got this new toaster oven at Costco that doubles as a convection oven. I guarantee you don't know dick about toast until you've used this thing.

4. I rarely check the net stats on my websites because I'm just not that horny about web stats, dig? Anyway, I was bored a few weeks ago and checked out some of the search strings coming in. Turns out the vast majority of my traffic comes from Kristen Bell image searches. I will take credit for this, because Kristen Bell totally wants me. Just look at this last slatternly photo she sent me and tell me I'm lying...

ONLY NUMBER 4? WTF???

3. Is it just me, or has McDonald's gotten a lot shittier tasting lately? Look, I know I'm in the minority when I proclaim my affection for Mickey D cheeseburgers, but they have been a staple of my existence since I was eye to eye with the crawdads in the crick out back. But over the last year or two I've notice a definite decline in their already marginal quality. And I'm not talking about just one bad McD's that I always go to, I mean in McD's all over. I've been places man, seen things- and they have been real suck ass everywhere. I'm going to keep trying to find a good one though- I'll keep you updated. You can't wait and neither can I!!! NUM NUMMY in my TUMMY!

2. Cloverfield. The crawly things that fall off the monster made me yelp and pee a little.

1. I have no number one. Maybe I should have started this at number 9. Heck, some of these are sort of bad, so maybe I could've gone just six or seven deep. Better planning may be in order for future lists. Ah well.

Tags: Awesome lists Soupytwist smells like a garbage truck I'll do better next time Kristen Bell

And just like that, life is one notch better. One doughnut left for later. Pow.

How come the black high school kids in my town (Euclid, Ohio outside of Cleveland) always look good and the white kids look like sloppy messes? I drive by the high school every day, and most of the black boys out walking around are all athletic and dressed like they care what they wear. Most of the black girls are in good shape and made up all hot-like (I'm just looking- geez get off my case). But pretty much all the white kids are dumpy disappointments to their families. This carries over into the older population too, although not to the same extent. Everybody in Euclid lets themselves go after the age of 35, it is the law.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there are a whole lot of awful looking white people out there and I wish I had gone to school with more (re: any) black girls.

Oh, and speaking of Euclid Schools, part 1: We took the kids to their first toddler swimming lessons at Euclid H.S. last night (Casey loved it, Tyler hated it- typical), and as we were leaving we walked through a narrow hallway by the gym where a lot of REALLY tall and muscley dudes were lined up, I think for basketball tryouts. Whenever you see a big group of kids like that you don't expect much in the way of courtesy or civility, because kids are mean; but these guys were super friendly and gave Ty high fives all down the line, to his delight and amazement. "Wassup, little man? High Five!" they said. That was really nice. Thanks, big kids!

Speaking of Euclid Schools, part 2: BANG-POW! BIG BREAKING NEWS- after almost a month and the buildup for what we though was going to be a BIG FIGHT involving lawyers, guns and money; Euclid has released Casey to the Achievement Center! Holy Crap! What a load off my poor head. Our lawyer that we retained because we didn't think we were getting a fair shake just told us the news; I guess all it took was one phone call from her. I'm guessing they were leaning that way anyway after having him at school there for a month, but whatever- HELLZ YEAH BOOOY! THAT'S PARTY TIME! To celebrate, I might just eat this last doughnut! AND/OR take a shower this week!

That's asking a whole lot though.

Oh, and dammit- in the last post I mentioned The Name, but forgot to include a hot photo. I got in so much trouble! Here, I'll make it up to you right now:

KRISTEN BELL SAID EVERYTHING WOULD BE OKAY

Tags: doughnuts Lunch Kristen Bell Autism Well-meaning racism Kids

It should be noted that I started this more than a week ago, and here we are, gettin' it done.

1. Great day in Autism! We've been having some minor breakthroughs in communication with Casey-Bean over the past few weeks. Nothing huge or particularly noteworthy to anyone but us and his therapists, but good nonetheless. Until today that is! While Bean was playing blocks with Ty-Ty, Becky and the in-home therapy person, he started counting them with actual numbers! You had to kind of know what you were listening for, it wasn't a clear "Six-Seven-Eight..." thing, more like "Isss-Ewehh-Eeehh..."; but from what I am told he started at six and went all the way to fifteen. Becky was super happy the therapist was there to hear it too, because sometimes it is easy to hear him utter some random noise and assign some meaning to it, even though it was really nothing. Like yesterday when he was throwing a balloon around yelling "BA-BA-BA", Becky insisted he was saying "ball", but he says BA-BA-BA a lot with no balls around to speak of, so I don't think so. Or that time I swear he said, "If the cast of MTV's The Real World truly exhibits the moral and social depths of character typical of young America today, we have nothing to worry about. Our future: COMPLETELY SECURE. What a remarkable set of go-getters they've assembled once more." I immediately shouted into the kitchen, "Honey- Casey's making sarcastic remarks to the TV again!" She said he was just blabbing nonsense, but I heard what I heard.

Anyway, he also may have correctly defined a block as "yellow", and also identified another as "circle". It is a cylinder of course, but people yell at me when I correct autistic children. Fine. Close enough.

I swear- it is our "close enough" attitude that gets us into trouble. "How closely linked is Iraq to terrorists?" "Close enough!"

2. Tyler news to not leave him out! He is now saying "please" (the magic word) occasionally without being prompted. This is huge, it has been like extracting teeth from an angry badger.

3. Amazing New Feature! Up there at the top you'll note there is a new thing on which to click, it is a new grand experiment! "Right Here, Right Now" is a photo gallery that will be updated often. I will be utilizing new technologies to do this, namely the internet and a camera. If you've not heard of these things yet- don't worry, you will. Gonna be big. I also predicted Star Wars would be a major hit when I was five years old, so my track record here is quite good.

Gadget side note- the reason I'm psyched about this new feature is because the iPhone can update this gallery on the go; just take the photo, add a caption & send it on its way from anywhere. I can post from the phone, but not unpost from the phone (currently). This will lead to many embarrassing photos posted whilst drinking, so I'd check back often, or at least before I get around to editing the gallery from a computer later. Fun! Right now there's several day's worth of crap there I've posted while testing things out. Here's an RSS feed too, but you don't get the pretty transition or download options that way.

4. Project update! Got the theatre brochure job back from the printer, came out great! There's usually a bit of a let down when I see a print version of projects because the print versions rarely have the vibrancy of the images on screen. Not this time though- thing POPS! That's nice. Here's the cover:

Want to see the whole thing? PDF version here. It's all flattened out, so you have to imagine it folded up.

5. It's only 2-1/2 weeks until OBX vacation! Little later than usual this year, hopefully we won't get chased by a goddamn hurricane. But because we're rolling the dice & going to the Outer Banks in the heart of hurricane season (and after the start of school), the rentals are dirt cheap. We always stay in a fairly nice place there, but this year it's like a fucking beach palace. HUGE. Completely ridiculous, especially since it will just be we four and my parents. But if I'm going to ride out a hurricane, I want to do it in style while watching a flat panel TV in each room. I'm going to sleep in a new bedroom every night. There'll probably be pictures.

6. Speaking of travel- this weekend we are ditching the kids and heading to New Jersey for a wedding- one of my old high school chums is gettin' hitched. We're gonna stay an extra couple days and hit the Big Apple- Becky's never been, and I've been there once like fifteen years ago. I hope to catch a glimpse of He-Man doing something heroic. If that happens, there'll be pictures. Hey Amy- is Mendham close to you?

7. Important TV News! I found Heroes just entertaining enough to overcome its more annoying qualities (which are numerous). Every time I thought I'd give up on it they introduced some plot twist that kept me coming back. Won't be so tough to keep my interest next season though- Kristen Bell has signed on for at least half the new episodes. And LOOK! Since I typed The Name, I get to post a hot picture. That's the rule, I didn't make it up. ALL THE PLAYAS IN THE HOUSE SAY YEAH!

YEAH!

Tags: Pictures Gadgets Autism Kids I Am Professional Travel Kristen Bell TV

Now that they've stupidly killed Veronica Mars, I have no reason to watch the CW at all! I'm sort of a valuable demographic- 35 years old, college educated, gainfully employed, respectable household income (some of which is more or less disposable), kids, etc.; but whatever. They don't want me to watch, I'm cool with that. I own four TVs and also watch shows on two computers, but not one of those things will ever need to be tuned into the CW anymore. Nice!

I'm very excited because after this disastrous TV season, I've been able to gain so much valuable time. Of the shows that I still watch (and there aren't many), Veronica was the best. I'm still hanging with Lost. I gave up 24 four episodes ago and good riddance to that silly shit. I also gave up Gilmore Girls this season, and now that one's dead too, so I guess I wasn't the only one. It wasn't really bad this year, it just wasn't the Girls anymore, so out it went. I love Battlestar Galactica (and I have a project in the works for that- STAY TUNED), but I watch that one in three or four hour blocks because it seems more like a movie that way. The Venture Brothers was awesome, but the second season ended a long time ago. I claim to love all the NBC Thursday comedies, but I find I only really watch 30 Rock regularly, and I often let the others fall off the TiVo before I get around to them. I got hooked on The Unit for a while, because I liked President Palmer and the fancy military shit, but the writers have run out of good black ops stories so they started concentrating more on the wives at home, and those chicks are unbearable harpies. Terrible. I liked that sketch comedy show on VH1- Acceptable TV, but who knows if that's coming back. The Sarah Silverman Show was fun. Aaaaannnd... I think that's about it. Daily and Colbert sometimes when they're on.

Well, that means that on any given week of new programming, I'm committed to maybe two and a half hours of TV that is worth my time. That's an all-time low! Nice work, networks!

Damn you're fine, Veronica Mars.
R.I.P.

Tags: Veronica Mars Kristen Bell T.V. Venture Brothers Pretty Girls Pictures

I totally have no work to do this evening. Yup, just gonna take it easy, kick back, maybe finally post an entry here. After, of course, I get dinner for the kids. Then I have to walk the dog because we don't currently have a yard for him TO POOP ON (news on that in a moment) and get him dinner. Then it's bath time for babies, followed by playtime in their room and then getting them settled for bed. Then I have to water the non-yard (in a moment I said!) and walk the dog again because he refuses to pee in the driveway. Yup, just gonna do nothing and HOLY SHIT IT'S 10:45 AT NIGHT ALREADY MY GOD HOW DO I EVER GET ANYTHING DONE EVER??!?!?

I am the sort of person that rents movies and returns them unwatched because I never got around to it. King Kong sits on my dining room table, taunting me. You know how primates taunt, right? They fling their turds at you. Kong taunty-turds are big enough to knock over grain silos. I'm running out of silos! Dammit monkey!

Looks like I'm going to be a suburban slave. You might know what I'm talking about- those poor bastards who spend hours a day watering and preening their stupid grass on their postage-stamp plot of land so it is more lush and green than their neighbor who is out doing the exact same thing. I swore that I would never become beholden to my lawn because I hate yardwork and I hate keeping up with the Joneses and I'm allergic to all that's green and flowering. But now we have this brand new lawn coming in that I had a landscaping company install partially out of shame, since we had maybe the worst burnt up weedy mess on the street, and partially out of desire to have someplace where the kids could play without getting shredded up by thorns and nettles. Every day I've got my garden hoses and my sprinklers working early in the morning and late in the evening, the symbols of my new indenture to the tiny bright green filaments that are starting to pop out of the muck. I can't stop sneezing. I don't plan on being able to do this as well as most of my neighbors who are all retired and have nothing better to do all day than make their lawns glisten like perfect fucking emeralds in the noonday sun. I must say I'm making lots of friends though. I think it must be like this for women after they have a baby, it's like they've joined some exclusive club and suddenly are friends with all the other mommies and have so much to talk about. I stand out front with my hose in my hand like the chain around my neck it is and wave to all the other jackasses who will also be watering their lawns every day until they drop. I don't like these guys at all. But I can't stop watering, the grass will die!

Baxter can't touch his back yard, let alone pee on it, for like weeks. I've got a run set up in the driveway for him, but that isn't sitting well at all. He sulks all day. {Frowny face goes here.}

Happy! FINALLY my Venture Bros. Season One DVD's showed up from Amazon! They were held up in shipping, and it was just killing me. I will make time to watch these- life can go on hold for a while. This and Veronica Mars are the first teevee shows I've thought enough of that I needed to own them. I'm considering buying Battlestar Galactica too, but probably not. It's fun to watch and all, but I don't think I'll get that much more out of it through repeated viewings. I was really amazed at how much more I caught watching Veronica Mars' first season again knowing the eventual outcome. That show is amazing. Plus I have deep, sticky feelings for Kristen Bell. I was so relieved to learn that she's a 20-something that only plays a teenager on TV, because for a while there I was feeling guilty about the filthy, awful things that I was thinking about her and what I made the naked voodoo puppets I fashioned in our images do. Those puppets- they're insatiable.

Ooooh- in that world where there are no pants and I AM KING OF ALL I SURVEY.

Alternate caption #1: VOODOO!

Alternate caption #2: guh whoaa momma

Anyone heard this song by B.R.M.C.? It's The Balls.

Yes AMY, my kids are fronting an indie rock band. Actually, the fact is that I cut some of their hair like a year ago and by Becky's reaction you would have thought I'd chopped off their fingers. I totally didn't! It was just some hair! Jesus- never again. They will be some shaggy lil' devils.

Tags: Pictures I Am Professional What? Kids Movies Tunes T.V. Veronica Mars Kristen Bell Pretty Girls