Here- this is what I put in the letter to a whole mess of people:

Friends,

It is with great enthusiasm that I tell you about my intention to become a full time freelance graphic designer.

As most of you are aware, I've been essentially working two jobs for ten years now; and in the last three added the extra burden of two kids. This has taken a huge toll on me. The time has come (probably a long time gone, actually) for a few changes. I've been investigating some potential opportunities, originally with the goal of eliminating the freelance work and putting my full creative energies into a regular 9 to 5 schedule. The job interviews I've had have been terrific and worthwhile, and I thank all those folks who gave me their time. In these interviews I would stress the experience I've gained and work I've done as a freelance designer. Inevitably, the question would come up, "Obviously you like the freelance work- why don't you just do that full time?" I never had a very good answer to that question.

After thinking about it for a while, it seems like a pretty easy decision. I never really wanted to give up the freelance work, I just thought I needed to for my own sanity and physical well being. Of course, all this time it was the excellent clients and fun work I do for them in the middle of the night that has kept me going, and realizing that I could actually do this stuff during the day has been liberating.

Long story short- got projects? I'm your guy. Thanks for everything, you're all great. I look forward to hearing from you!

So that's that then. Obviously, I did not get the Step2 gig; I lost out to (I suspect) a female. During my otherwise spectacular interview there, she did mention that her ideal candidate would probably be a woman to replace the one that left in order to maintain the balance of her department. Had I been hired it would have been 4 dudes and one chick in there, and they do a lot of toys for little girls. The Step2 lady did say I was definitely the #2 choice, and to keep in touch, blah blah blah. That was a bummer, but only for a little while. Because then I decided that working for other people is for suckers! Do I look like a sucker to you? PLEASE OH GOD DON'T ANSWER.

I'm going out on my own. BUT- I get to ease into it. I'm gonna cut back to 2 days at the current day job & keep my health insurance. I have no startup costs outside of advertising, since I have been collecting all the necessary tools for years. I have zero overhead beyond what I already carry. I have a solid client base with lots of growth potential. There's all sorts of upside here people! Why do you look so concerned? Stop it! It is unnerving!

And LOOK! The New Jan Brady!-

OOH! BUSINESS!!!

And a new look website that I demand you go to and see IMMEDIATELY. Please? Granted, it is much like the old website, but with the new logo and color scheme, as well as a shifted focus. By that I mean I added the desperate (but very fancy) HIRE ME! button, which changes it from being the portfolio site to the HIRE ME! site. This is actually sort of an in-between website at this point, it will get the job done until I get the new one going.

Scared? Me? Nooo. YES! A little. But I didn't just jump into this decision without doing a little math first. Without trying to sound snotty I'll tell you that I do pretty well money wise in the freelance market. My rates are posted over at the site if you're curious, I guess there's no secrets there. Up until now this was just sort of a well paying hobby. I didn't have either the energy or the client base to build it into anything more than that. However, I've recently picked up some more work from another theater company (it seems non-profits are a really solid niche for me), and between them and some heavy projects that are available from current clients that until now I haven't had the time to take on, I have a head start. But the math is crazy. I can make so much more money and work far fewer hours just by picking up a few more regular freelance jobs than I ever have killing myself at this day gig followed by allnighters. And I don't think this will be all that hard to do, since I've never solicited work from anyone ever before- all my clients have come to me from word of mouth alone. Just by posting some stuff at coroflot or craigslist and distributing some of my bitchin' new rack cards I made up I know I can pick up new work fast. Hopefully most will continue to come via personal recommendations. Those are the best sorts of customers- the chances of them paying are much MUCH higher than some jerk off the street that I don't know anything about. OH! I HATE that guy.

Woooo. To get all this going though, I'm going to be a bizzy frickin' bee for a while. I feel I need to collect some big checks and get ahead a little before I can cut back to two days at this job. Or, perhaps someone will lead me to their Pot O' Gold and I can just do whatever I want. I'm thinking allnighters for a few months is more likely though. Ouch. If I seem extra grouchy it is just because I've gone insane.

But enough of this. Here's what you came here for- my song recommendation! It was really tough narrowing it down because The Black Keys have put out so much quality material lately (I highly recommend the new album Attack & Release, and I never buy whole albums anymore), but I think this one works- If You Ever Slip. It is on the soundtrack to a movie I've never heard of & will never see. I'm sure it's awesome.

Another one? Okay! (Don't Speak) I Came To Make A Bang by The Eagles of Death Metal. It will be the song that plays whenever I come to the plate in all my Major League Baseball games. The crowd will really get whipped up! I'm your Fabulous Weapon!!! I guess this song was also featured in a movie I have not heard of and will never see but am sure is awesome as well.

Speaking of songs- I think it is a bad sign of being too old when the tunes that you used to play during sex in college are now the tunes that your kids fall asleep to. Mazzy Star just isn't the same. I can't tell you how depressed this makes me.

Let's see- TV? Sure. LOST is tits, I think we went over that a few posts ago; 30 Rock is the best comedy ever, seriously- we aren't worthy to watch it. The Venture Brothers is set to start up again in June (and NO I won't watch the five minutes of some new episode that is posted online. I can wait.). Battlestar Galactica (that's BSG for those of us in "the know" wink wink you nerd) is strangely uplifting because no matter how awful I feel about anything I know the poor douchebags stuck out in the void crammed into that big iron brick have it way worse. Those are the shows I watch. Oh yeah! South Park. Duh.

IRON MAN! That's gonna be good, yes? I've heard some things.

Now, Jesus Plates. I should point out that I do not post images of holy license plates to poke fun. Much. I am just very fascinated, that's all.

The sticker on the upper right reads "HARD CORE JESUS FREAK". That is completely badass.

And I believe that brings us to the end of this entry. Thanks for tagging along, you're all the shiniest people I can find.

PS- OH SNAP! I forgot to tell you about The Hermaphrodite! That is a whole fucking THING you have GOT to hear. Next time I promise.

Tags: I Am Professional Blog Resurrection Hold me- I'm scared License Plates

In the interest of Gettin' Stuff Done, I haven't posted here in a month or so. We got so much done, didn't we? Oh, my- yes! Our accomplishments... staggering.

You all finished that book that nobody will shut up about, and that's neat. I got a lot of work done and played with my phone that nobody will shut up about, including me. This thing has been reviewed all over the place by too many people, and I don't have much to add to that except to say I can't live without it, and if anything ever happened to my iPhone, I'd actually drop dead like a coal miner's canary. It isn't because I even use the phone much. I get 450 minutes of daytime minutes to use a month, and over the first month I used just over 60 of them, which was tremendously shocking that I even talked on it that much. They roll over to the next month- by the end of the year I will have approximately 58,000 minutes to burn. And it isn't because of some cell-phone culture coolness factor- I'm actually very self-conscious about pulling it out in public, and as you know, I normally have no problems pulling most anything out in public. People are really curious about it though, that's for sure. But no- for me, the big deal about the iPhone is that I've got it rigged to give me step by step directions to get through my day. I have little messages and helpful warnings pop up all the time with pleasant beeps and buzzes. "Don't forget your ad deadline!" "Remember to take the double stroller to Na-Na's!" "Don't leave the house without pants!" And, amazingly, I have not been outside without pants since I got this thing. The neighbors are very impressed, they think Becky has finally "trained me" somehow. WHATEVER. You can't train ME. No WAY. I am the Alpha Male. I do what I want! But you can tell me what to do and I'll totally do that without question or hesitation.

On the autistic kid front: Still extremely autistic! Now with random, uncontrollable rage filled shrieking! Yikes. I said before that Casey was all calm and easy to take care of. Not so much anymore. He's upset a lot, like very. He's also started slamming his head into things when he really gets going. All this PLUS he's extremely difficult to settle down! We think it is because he's being faced with all these new challenges with his various therapies that he gets frustrated quickly and doesn't handle it well. It's been disheartening and sometimes soul-crushing. [BIG SIGH GOES HERE]

But, on the positive side, they've set up a spot for him at this great special needs preschool that deals specifically with autistic kids. He'll start in November, won't even have to get on a waiting list or anything. Getting him in isn't the only good news, however- the actual good news is that our city will be paying for it. This is what happens when the child in question has issues that the public school system is unequipped to deal with. Since it's the law that every kid is entitled to an "appropriate education", they refer these kids out to special schools. And pay for it! Which is about the greatest news ever as The Achievement Center costs FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR. That was in all caps because it pretty much has to be, doesn't it? So, in many ways, Casey is lucky to be as majorly impaired as he is, since if he were one of those poor suckers who is only somewhat autistic, he'd have to stick it out in public school with all the grinks and groinks.

MY COMPUTER HAS A CAMERA

That's about enough of that. On to our recurring feature, God Plates. I have one to show and one to tell, and you will not believe me when I tell it.

First, the show:

I think it was P@ that mentioned he thought it was weird that I'd find all these God Plates on cars without God Stickers. Well, I give you Stickers. You're welcome.

Now, the tell. Becky called me at work (on my iPhone [/jerk]) and told me she was driving behind perhaps the greatest God Plate of all, but she didn't have a means by which to photograph it, something we all regret instantly. I have to take her word of course, and though I have no reason to think she would make something like this up, we all need to take it as rumor at this point. However, this plate is my White Whale- I'll die trying to find it. But find it I will, for this Holiest of License Plates reads- and I'm giggling as I type- "HOT 4 GOD". Really. Really. Hot 4 God. I think if I can shoot that one I can quit.

And now what the hell- some cute children who happen to be mine. And yes, they need haircuts. No, I won't have anything to do with haircuts. I've learned my lesson well. The kids- they don't like having their hair cut. At all. So screw 'em. Shaggy a-holes.

MY PHONE HAS A CAMERA


MY PHONE HAS A CAMERA


MY PHONE HAS A CAMERA

I had some other stuff to yak about, but maybe I should save it and then there will be something else to post later. Pacing, it's all about pacing. And dick jokes.

P.S.- what's with all the huge boobs in anime these days? Man, in my day we were hard pressed to find so much as a B cup in Star Blazers or Robotech. And dude- we pressed. We pressed hard.

Tags: Gadgets Autism License Plates Pictures Kids Geekery

On Thursday the home team celebrated 10 years of Holy Matrimony. Hey- the world didn't end! I guess I was wrong that one time. Ten years, man! TEN YEARS! That's a lot of years. All pretty good too. I think B's sister Jessie summed it up best when she said, "You two may be the only people on the planet who actually should be married." Clearly she has not been witness to many successful relationships.

I was in a bind as to what to get her for this momentous occasion. There are a few problems/situations I had to overcome. First, her birthday falls exactly a week before our anniversary (I know- I should have worked that out better). For that I had already promised her a new stereo for her Hyundai Santa Fe, which is not my cup o' tea as far as cars go, but she likes it well enough. It has a pathetic radio, and beyond its already laughable output, one of its crossovers shorted out so there's no bass on the left side of the car. Sounds like shit. So, I said I'd get a new system put in it, which will no doubt set me back a bit. Therefore, didn't want to spend a lot on the anniversary thing. But I didn't want to be a cheapskate either, ten years doesn't come along that often. Jewelry? RIGHT OUT. I'll tell you why. Becky's never been into the bling, which I'm eternally thankful for (we wouldn't be married if she were a jewelry girl- not my type), but she has a few things that I've gotten her. Of course, there's the engagement ring from all those ages ago. And there's the diamond earrings from Xmas a few years back. She wears that stuff all the time. Oops- until recently. Couple months ago the diamond popped out of the ring setting while pushing the kids around at the zoo, never to be seen again. Then, last weekend B was outside pulling weeds or someshit and Casey crashed into her head, knocking an earring out. Can't find that one either. So, you can see why I am feeling a bit gun-shy about another trip to the jewelry store.

I ended up just going to Target & getting some stuff for the yard (which we're really into making nice at the moment) and another frigging iPod. We have like four or five of those things now. None of the real cool video ones though, these are all older music-only types (but I digress). This one's neat, it's just one of the little clip on dudes without the screen or anything. She's been doing some exercising lately and always complains because she left her iPod at work or the battery is dead or whatever. This one is tiny and clips on your shirt, so it's really handy for working out. And it is pink, so automatically loved by females the world over. Also, and this is where the cleverness begins, it is made out of aluminum, and everybody knows what the symbol for ten years of marriage is, right? Yes, aluminum. Like how fifty years is gold and two years is, I dunno, sand or bisquick or something? Well ten is aluminum. Well, tin, actually; but the powers that be say that in modern times aluminum is an acceptable substitute since tin is not so plentiful. I researched it on the Internet!

To add to the cleverness I bought some aluminum foil to use as wrapping paper. I can not be more clever! I wrapped all the presents up, and admittedly they looked like something that belonged buried in a freezer somewhere. But ten years... aluminum foil wrapping... THAT IS WICKED CLEVER.

B makes it downstairs in the morning and eventually sees the shiny, crinkly, razor sharp mess of crap I left on the table with the card on top and says, "Ooh! Presents! HEY- did you use all my foil for this?!?"

Okay, so maybe it would have seemed more clever if I did not have to explain why it was clever, as Becky did not know the significance of aluminum = ten years of marriage. Without that pretext in mind it may have seemed that I was just wastefully using aluminum foil to wrap boxes (badly), when we have hundreds of square feet of perfectly good and actual wrapping paper stored in the attic you boob (the boob being me). I said, "NO! I BOUGHT THIS FOIL SPECIAL! Because, um, it's like ten years? With the aluminum, which is sort of like tin? You know- like it said on the internet? Over there on the computer? I'M CLEVER!"

Then I got the rolleyes that only ten years of marriage can perfect.

UNRELATED- Becky got my favorite precooked meatballs at the grocery store. They are AWESOME- add some spaghetti sauce and a big bun & you got yourself an instant meatball sub, which is pretty much my favorite thing. THE BEST PART- when you open up the meatball package, it smells like fart. Totally. You peel back the plastic and think, "Aww yeah- fart." This saves so me much time. No waiting around several minutes for gastrointestinal processes. This gets it out of the way before I even have to think about it. Interestingly, when the actual meatball farts come- they smell like flowers.

That about wraps up this entry. I'll leave you as I often do, with some dangerously photographed license plates attached to cars moving at high speeds on the freeways of Cleveland. Everyone is fortunate that I am so good at steering with my knees.

Tags: What? License Plates The Home Front Good Times Lunch

We're checking out special needs preschools for Casey. A couple days ago we got to tour one of the cheap ones. It was really nice and I think would be great for Casey, but I think I want to see one of the expensive ones first. I want to see what a $70,000 a year preschool has that a $50,000 a year preschool doesn't. I bet the expensive one has better snacks or something.

No- not joking- the cheap one is 50K a year. Looks like we'll be putting some tax payer money to work for us for a change. The mind boggles.

Anyway, I have license plates to share! You know I usually just stick to God themed ones, but the first one I wasn't sure if it was or wasn't, so I took the picture anyway. The second, definitely all about God. The third one I just liked. Enjoy!

Cleveland is waaaaayy in the background!

Tags: License Plates Autism Kids Pictures

Fresh and new! Smells like a shoe! It's a new theme!

Not going to lie here people, I've been down in the dumps a bit lately. Lots of circumstances contribute to this, not the least of which is the goddam weather. But, today we have had lots of sunshine and it seems like spring is finally fucking here. Fuckin' A. The continual grayness of each day just grinds on me like a crackhead table dancer two dollars short of a fix. It's relentless.

WHOOPS! I should warn you- this entry may include some swear words because I feel like swearing a lot for no real reason. Little late on the fucking warning you say? Well fuck me! You're fucking right. I'm totally sorry about that! Totally fucking sorry!

AAAHHHH.... that's better.

Sad news that I was belatedly made aware of via Entertainment Weekly a few weeks ago- the singer for Boston, Brad Delp, killed himself. I'm sure I would have heard this much sooner if I hadn't given up on classic rock radio years ago. But late as it is, it is sad news nonetheless. The first CD I ever purchased was Boston's first self-titled disc, and back then CD's cost like 25 bucks, so that was a major commitment. That dude sure could wail.

Happier news- we've had some very productive meetings with various doctors and county representatives in regards to Casey's autism, so we're feeling good about that. Soon we'll know more about what hoops we're gonna have to leap through for school and therapy and stuff. More info later.

Did anyone catch the last 30 Rock? The main gag of the episode was a running Cleveland joke; Liz was considering moving here with her new boyfriend to get away from the pressures of New York. Usually these things are just mean pokes at our little town, but 30 Rock went the other way with it- making us look so ridiculously great that, if you didn't know any better, you'd wonder why everyone didn't want to move here. "We all want to flee to the Cleve!" It was very funny and kind of sweet. One of the writers on the show must be from here because they seemed to know an awful lot of tiny details, although I don't think they'd spent a lot of time here recently as there were several references to how great the clubbing is down in the Flats, which as everyone here knows is nothing but a crime ridden, giant river rat infested empty shell of what it once was years ago (the new Flats is the warehouse district). It was an awesome tribute in spite of some tiny dated details, however. If you guys haven't seen 30 Rock, please do- it is a great sitcom. By the hammer of THOR!

Speaking of hammers, I just found my good one in the basement and it MADE MY FUCKING DAY. I'd broken a whole bunch of shitty hammers fixing the fence that I installed last summer (incorrectly of course, hence the fixing part). I couldn't find the good one, and it was very distressing. That hammer has been passed down to me from my father, and to him by his father before. It's magic and ancient and nigh-invulnerable. In fact, if I'd had that hammer when I put up that fence, I'm certain I would have done it right the first time. It's that powerful. It would prevent me from stupidly hanging a fence fucking backwards.

And oh, Venture Bros. Season 2 on DVD. People- I can't stress this enough- this show is the motherfucking balls.



I leave you with my latest religious-themed license plate find. I shot this on the freeway this morning on the way to work. Since I can't look through the viewfinder of the camera while driving (that would be very unsafe for me and other drivers!), I just had to point in the general direction of the car and shoot like a hundred pictures. And, since I wasn't sure that I'd gotten a good one using that method, and I wouldn't be able to check until I was safely stopped off the freeway somewhere, and if I did wait to check and I didn't get the shot I'd have missed any opportunity to get the shot again, I decided the best thing to do would be to run this car off the road and just get the picture while they were flipped upside down in the ditch or smashed against the retaining wall. As it happens though, one of the shots I got on the road worked out best anyway. Hooray!

Tags: Internet T.V. Venture Brothers Swearing License Plates Pictures

It's no secret that I have a preoccupation with vanity license plates. I think this is because, unlike some other states, in Ohio you have to pay extra to get personalized plates. And it's not like you can just pop in to the DMV and pick up your custom plate- you have to order it special after standing in line with the usual happy folks, wait a few weeks for some convicted felon to make it for you, and then go stand in line again to pick it up. That's some serious commitment to your message. You will forever be linked to that word or phrase that you went out of your way to bolt to your automobile, so better make it good. Every time someone sees your car, be it driving slowly by the schoolyard like you do, parked in front of the 24 hour porn shop by the freeway like you always are, or maybe catching a nap on the roadside after drinking your lunch again, everyone will know it's you because your plate is so unique. In high school I knew this guy who inexplicably loved the Cleveland Crunch, our indoor soccer team (previously named The Force, which was cool, but then Nestle bought the team and named them after a candy bar). Anyway, he got plates that said "CRUNCH" for his car. SO GAY I know. That's what everyone would always say- "Is that Frenz's gay CRUNCH car? That's SO GAY!" And Frenz was not gay, but those plates... totally. I used to make fun of his CRUNCH plates, and then he would say, "Well, at least I have a car to put plates on!" and then I'd say, "OH MAN YOUR CAR IS GAY."

It's true I didn't have a car in high school and I had to tool around my mom's blue catering minivan, but it made me feel like a big man to belittle others, even though they drove me everywhere.

Yesterday I was on my way back to work from Wendy's with our Big Bacon Classic combos and I saw a great license plate. I punched myself in the head as I realized I didn't have a camera with me, because I like a visual record of these things. But anyway, this lady was driving around (smoking AND talking on a cell phone) with this awesome plate, which I know was supposed to be read as "sweetie pie", but I guess someone else in Ohio already had that, so this lady had to go with "SWTY PIE". Of course, that's "sweaty pie". Now, because of this license plate, we're all thinking* of a raunchy G-string and squat-thrusts in a hot, stinky room.


*Well, now we all are.

Tags: License Plates What? Lunch Good Times

Got another holy license plate! Almost in the same place as the last one. Maybe there's some sort of "Bad Spellers for Jesus" convention in town.

Tags: License Plates Pictures

This car was in front of me on my way home from work today. I didn't think you could get personalized temporary license plates, but I guess you can. This sucks because I was so going to order this plate for my Element. I suppose I could just go with my backup idea - "CHRISTICLE", because people like Jesus, and people also like popsicles.

We've been having a lot of fun with holy things.

Tags: License Plates Pictures