I'll play your little game, the P@. You goad-herder. I shan't repeat the long intro, because it's all "Ernest Hemingway did this so it is super awesome blah blah blah," NO. It's your life in six words. That's the rules. This should be a post over at the BG BTW, maybe it is, I haven't checked. Anyway, technically I did this years ago:

Half Man. Half Machine. ALL MAN.

Oh yeah, that one's going on the tombstone. More? Okay:

Can't say I'm proud of everything.

Scratches the itch mostly in private.

Introspection isn't always the best idea.

The boogers, sadly, have been prevalent.

Sometimes up, sometimes down, always bewitching.

I'm supposed to tag five people to do this, but I'm pretty sure the five people who read this blog already did it. But I call upon enigmatic Channy to do it here in the comments if she so chooses. And also Barack Obama. We'll finally see what that dude is made of.


Next time on Cranky Matty... HERMAPHRODITE!!!

Tags: Pals Meme morgue Where's Channy?

Couple weeks ago I struggled through the labyrinthine torture that is the Google/Blogger comment sign in (seriously, I had to fight a fucking Minotaur) to post a comment on Steph's Traveling Spishco blog (now defunct, but go see the New! Improved! SPISH!). In this comment, which you can no longer read, I gave notice that I was going to issue a challenge at a later time, which now I may need to take back even though I never got around to issuing the actual challenge in question. Y'see, Steph and Pat and their coo coo cadre of circus monkeys are going to sell their house in Hell, NV and plan this epic and vaguely aimless journey around the country in an old RV they found down by the river. You all may think that's just bonkers, but those of us who know them a little bit think this plan is just about right. Anyway, the point is that their intended eventual destination at the end of this preposterous cracker cart ride is some convention in the mountains of North Carolina next September. This is significant because my handsome family takes our vacation in the delightful Outer Banks of that fine state about that time every year. Thus, my challenge that I had thought would be fun and clever was that after their banana trader convention they could mount up one more time in the old Winnie and trundle on over to the beach & hang out for a day or three.

But now I don't know if it'll work! Casey got into the new fancy school for kids with super powers and autism, and that starts up again after the summer break in August. We don't want him to miss school, so I don't know if we're going to make it to the beach in September- it may be in August. But, if we can work out the timing, the CHALLENGE STANDS. I know we'll have some extra rooms. Or maybe they'd rather sleep in their wheelie-tent with their transient road friends. No drifters in the pool, please! What am I running- a hobo jungle?

LOOK- I'M IN FRANCE TRYING TO FIT IN

Tags: Travel OBX Pals Lame challenges Fake pictures from France

Normally I'd just give you a list of all the sexy things that have happened since the last time I bothered with this thing, but there has been too many sexy things for just one entry, so I'm gonna break it down into component sexy bits over several entries. I think that's what the kids are doing these days with their Twitters and whatnot. This will all be very schizo and unorganized. You'll have to come to grips with that.

Been all over the place recently. First, we went to a wedding in beautiful New Jersey, which is not at all the cesspool the Sopranos led me to believe. Special shout out to the town of Basking Ridge, where every single person I met was the friendliest person I ever met. When the janitor at the temporarily closed train station drops what he's doing to provide you detailed instructions of the best way into New York for an overnight stay you know you're in a friendly town. You may say he was just painfully lonely and happy to have somebody to talk to, but I say he was painfully friendly, and since I'm an excellent judge of character I know I'm right and you obviously have trust issues you need to speak to your therapist about. Anyway, some pics from the reception.

PLANTS


MARRIEDS

We went on our usual vacation last month to the OBX, and that was just super. There was this tropical storm that was supposed to give us all sorts of problems, but that was some weak sissy storm if I ever saw one. It was good & windy for half a day and that was it. I'm conditioned to wake up before God does, so I was able to get this sunrise. He can't sneak 'em past me anymore.

YOU HEAR ME GOD? I'M WATCHING YOU

More to come soon- my Indians are coming on to stomp the Yankees again. Better start drinking!

Tags: Pictures Travel Pals Sports What?

I mentioned in a previous entry that I had to do a new Scrooge! image for another run of that show for the second year in a row. They wanted something like the last one, but different. If you'll recall, it was our good friend Helen who was able to furnish me with a background image to which I added Xmas Magicks for the final. Well, Helen has outdone herself once more, and here's how it works. In this entry you'll take a journey into the murky fog that is The Process. Hold on tight to someone you love, it'll be a bumpy ride. NO GROPING. There are cameras everywhere.

First we begin with Scrooge himself. Check out my awesome lighting gear! This shot is being taken on the set of another production, that's why all the ramps & stairs in the back. The client is very anti-face this year, so Scrooge is walking away from us. Into what? We don't know yet! Well, you don't know. I know damn well what he's walking into. I don't know why I said "we". Sorry.



Helen supplied me with several angles, but I ended up using these two shots.


All the people MUST GO! All the shadows MUST GO! Lots to do...


The first comp of the big elements. The buildings had to be squashed and mashed and pulled and sliced until they fit into the layout. Helen supplied very hi-res images for me, which is handy because you'll note that I'm only using small portions of them (especially the right side of the street). If they were smaller resolution they'd look all poopy when blown up, but these are nice. I touched out all the people & umbrellas & crap for the tourists. The lame cobblestone floor is a closeup of my neighbors asphalt driveway distorted to mimic the perspective.

That's all the tough stuff. Now, just hit the "Xmas Magicks" button in Photoshop...


POW! That was easy!

So now I've given you all you need to know to be a Computer Graphics Professional making many tens of dollars. It is worth noting that the above image isn't final, I'll probably be adding some more Xmassy crap. But I need to get some feedback from the client, so this is a good spot for stopping.

With that, GOOD NIGHT.

Tags: I Am Professional Pals

I was corresponding with Annika earlier today about how much I like her new blog layout with the three columns and whatnot, and I asked her how the ad thing is working out for her. Personally, I like ads on people's blogs- it makes them seem important, like 'My company simply MUST be in the Annika's Blog business!". Of course, she has pretty good traffic, being a regular updater and also being so shiny & stuff, so having ads makes sense and is somewhat lucrative.

I, as you know pretty goddam well, am not a regular updater of this thing. Or even semi-regular. Much like my cramped and painful trips to the bathroom, I am irregular as hell. But, I average something like 6 or 9 (my math is absolute and indisputable) comments every time I post, which means even though I make you wait, you keep coming back. That's nice, thanks. You're all keen and smell flowery.

Tags: Internet Pals What?

Feeling a little better a few days later after some talks to our pediatrician and some more research on the subject of autism. Things could be much worse. But- there has been a development! Nay- a revelation!

We have determined that my 28 year old brother is also autistic! For real! In doing our research and the affects of autism on adults, it dawned on my mother that the person this is describing is Zach! Obviously, he is what they call "high-functioning", but it explains every one of his nutty anti-social and obsessive problems from childhood through today. Looking back it makes so much sense and my mom feels terrible for not recognizing it when he was a kid, but c'mon- nobody knew anything about autism back then. Zach is still getting his head wrapped around this discovery, but he says he feels very liberated in this knowledge, because now his problems don't seem like some unexplained vagueness that has always haunted him- it has a name! Strangely, we're all very excited by this.

And to add to the weeks' oddness, my friend John (who I mentioned I was looking for in this post & haven't heard from in six years) e-mailed me out of the blue. That's good stuff, but weird! He's fine, in case you were wondering. And still single, so ladies, if you're in Rhode Island for any reason, pick up a twelve pack of cheap beer and you just may win his heart.

Next up for Casey, we've made an appointment to see a pediatric neurologist, but there's a bit of a wait and we can't get him in for another month or so. I'm looking forward to this appointment just so we can get a better idea of what to expect. Thanks for all the concern and well-wishings, and thanks also to those of you who would have commented but didn't know what to say (I do that all the time). I know the last post was a curve ball, usually you come here to read something I think is funny, or see some stupid thing I drew, or whatever and then you get POW! AUTISM!!! That's whack, jack.

Tags: Kids Autism Pals The Home Front

Hi all! I've been disappeared for a while. Just really overwhelmed with things now. I could have come on here and whined some & we all could have had a good cry about it, but I hate that more than hemorrhoids, so I won't do it.

Instead I thought I'd bring something for show-n-tell today, a somewhat appropriate little thing I just found while looking for something else. Back in the golden olden times some of you may remember I ran a dumb thing called M.O.M. over at the WD, which was really just a desperate (and largely successful) ploy to get lots of girls to giggle and write me love notes. Anyway, those of you in the know will recall that I had a newsletter that had a total of nine issues before I got distracted by something shiny and stopped doing it. Those were fun, weren't they? I always wanted to write another one.

Well, as it happens, I did. Actually I never finished it, but I did get a nice start on M.O.M. News #10. Nobody has ever seen it, and I had completely forgotten about it. Tonight I was doing a Spotlight search for some artwork I did years ago to recycle into a new project and I ran across this opening article, which was set forth as a completely lame excuse as to why I hadn't gotten around to writing a new newsletter in so long. Here it is.

it's M.O.M. NEWS!       number 48       11/22/2003

Where have you guys been? I've been worried sick!

Ha-ha-ha! Kidding! I joke with you. It's not really issue #48, it's only issue #10. I just wanted to make it seem like I'm not so lazy and neglectful by distracting you with an amiable deflection- a red herring, if you will. For a moment there I had you thinking that maybe- just maybe, you had somehow missed 39 issues of M.O.M. News. Since it has been so long since the last one, that story certainly seems plausible... mayhem couldn't possibly be so lackadaisical as to go this many months with no M.O.M. update, could he? It must somehow be your fault! Perhaps you'd forgotten to check your PMs in a timely fashion and all those newsletters had just disappeared. Naturally, that doesn't seem likely, since the only reason you ever log in is for the flashy envelope. No way you missed 39 PMs! It must be something else. Wait! Did you say something to upset him? Is he just not sending you newsletters because he is mad at you? What was it that you did? You don't know!

I assure you- I am that lackadaisical. Not your fault at all! All mine. MINE! See what I did there? I shifted blame. My one true skill!

It's just like this one time, back at the pool hall, when Chester (the peg-leg bartender) came in one day demanding to know who had been screwin' his girlfriend behind his back. We asked him how he knew she'd been steppin' out on him, and he answered, "Doc says Lola's got crabs. I ain't got crabs, so it must be one of youze! Whoever it is- yer DEAD!"

I quickly spoke up and said, "Hey man- not me! Everyone knows I only have the Clap! It must be Frankie- he's always diggin' at his pecker!"

Chester then broke a barstool over Frankie's head and put him in a coma for three weeks. That was really unfortunate for Frankie as he missed three weeks worth of Carnival wages and then was evicted from the dockside hotel room he'd been sharing with Freddy Two-Toes and Slow Johnny for missing the rent. He was killed a few weeks later by a hobo who caught him stealing a ham sandwich in an abandoned boxcar down by the old paint factory. Don't mess with hobos- they're mean!

Frankie hadn't been humping Lola, of course. Frankie didn't even have crabs. He just liked to grab himself in the presence of others. I smartly neglected to mention to Chester that I not only had the Clap, but a ripping case of crabs too. I had picked them up from one of my regular "conjugal visits" to the women's prison outside of town where I had lots of pen-pals. But Chester's Lola- she was hotsie-totsie! Those gams went all the way up, if you know what I'm sayin'. Plus, Lola wouldn't have given Frankie the time of day- she was pure class, what with all the teeth she had. A lot more teeth than those prison gals, I can tell you. And hair in the proper places. Woo!

FYI- I had Doc burn all my cooties when I turned seventeen, so rest assured- there's nothing moving around in these pants!


Anyhow, on with the show.

Tags: Pals Internet The WD What?

First, my right eyelid keeps twitching. I can't make it stop, it's been doing this on and off for a week. Very distracting. What's up with that? People probably think I'm winking at them inappropriately - I am not! And then I tell them, "Hey- no matter what you're thinking, I am not winking at you." They say, "Uh- I didn't think you were winking at me." I think they are lying to me and reply, "Okay, but I'm not. Winking. I'm not winking at you. Now, I mean." Them: "Okay. Whatever." It's all very awkward. Why do all these people keep lying to me about not thinking I'm winking at them? That's so weird! I've learned many things by reading the Q&A pages printed on the backside of the centerfold in Playboy all these years (not the girl's backside, the back side of the- oh never mind), and the most important thing is that Playmates are totally turned off by liars.

Second, today we can't get radio streams via iTunes or access the iTunes Music Store over the network here at the day job. I've been checking various Mac-related forums and news sites, but nobody else seems to be having this same problem, or at least nobody is bitching about it. What's up with that? I suspect that our building's router might need to be reset to open up whatever network port iTunes uses to access the net, but there's a sales meeting going on in the room where the router closet is and I don't want to explain to those guys that I'm resetting the otherwise perfectly working internet because I can't stream NPR and I'm bored. Plus they will think I'm winking at them and I'll have to go through the whole "I'm totally not winking at you" thing again and that joke is getting very old and tired.

I think I'm going to jump on the blogosphere bandwagon (I debated in my head a good twenty seconds whether or not I should put "blogosphere bandwagon" in quote marks before I decided I'm a jackass) and put links in the sidebar to other people's blogs. God-DAMN I hate the word "blog". Anyway, I came to this idea because I discovered this thing where I can see that some of my hits come from other blogs that have mentioned or linked to mine, and I thought that was sorta cool. The downside is that I don't really read many other people's blogs. It's nothing personal- you know I love you- I simply don't have a lot of time normally to stay up on things. Now, if you would be so kind as to add some girl-on-girl pornography (the real thing, none of that poser stuff) or offer free iPod nano's or something, I'd be there every day. As we stand I just get around every once in a while, and if you're lazy like me and only update every once in a while then it works out perfectly and I never miss anything. However, if you're one of those that update two or three times a day or write posts that take more than thirty seconds to read, well, I get behind. MY BAD. I'm a terrible pretend internet person in your computer pal. Every couple of weeks I'll go check out Dee's LJ or The P@rix, but I totally admit that I often just read the last entry or skim a few lines here and there. Even Annika, whom I'd take a bullet for (leg or shoulder, please- NO FACE, buttocks okay), updates too often and with too many words for me to follow right along with. Not sure where I'm going with this except to say I'm a bad person and to make it up to you I'd stick your link over on the side over there––>. I've seen other people do that, it seems to be very popular. Let me know via comment or e-mail and a link shall be yours. Also, as a bonus, it will look like I read all those blogs religiously and I have so many great friends that I just have to let everyone know about! I'm such a hub of internet social assemblage! Like MySpace except with fewer pedophile predators!

Okay, the same number of pedophile predators. But with better spelling skills!

I'm not winking!

Tags: What? I Am Professional Internet Computer Pals

Today I'm attempting to be a beeter (I mean "BETTER" that was a funny typo though) friend. Or maybe a beeter friend, I guess that remains to be seen. I attempted to e-mail a guy who was my best pal in college at the last e-mail addy I had for him. No surprise that didn't work, the last e-mails we traded were 6 years ago. Whoops! I think I might try to see if he's current in the alumni records. Wonder what he's up to. FACT: This guy had magic powers with women of which he either was completely unaware or just never wanted to use to his advantage. Maybe he was afraid of going to the Dark Side. Whatever, he was the only guy I ever met who could walk into any bar in town, do NOTHING, and strange hot women would buy him drinks. This was unheard of, especially in a college town. Maybe in sad middle age divorcee bars that sort of thing happens all the time, but in college? I knew so many hot girls in school who went uptown all the time with absolutely no money and come home hours later hammered on all the booze bought by horny dudes or comped by bartenders, but this never works the other way where girls buy beers for guys, it's a rule. Girls don't have to buy guys drinks. But I saw John pull free beer many times just by standing around. It was amazing. We always thought he had some sort of mutant abilities. Not on me though, we were roommates for a whole year and I didn't try to seduce him even once that I remember. We drank a lot back then though, so I guess anything is possible. NO! NOT POSSIBLE.

Also today I registered another domain name. It will eventually supplant mayhems.com as my professional contact URL, if I can figure out some key redirects it may change soon. The new name is "bitmatt.com" . Short, digital-ish, easy to remember- I think it's a winner!

Tags: What? Pals I Am Professional Good Times Bitmatt

I don't recall ever being quite so gassy before.

I've been going back and forth between Helvetica and Century Gothic for my two super awesome and sooo tiny (but getting bigger every day!) websites. I like Helvetica for ease-of-reading, but Century Gothic has that old-school-design flair, and we all know flair gives me boners. Hmmm... flair...

It's Venture Brothers and then BACK TO WORK FOR YOU!!! I really mean "ME!!!", you can go on and enjoy your evening.

Had the cool fresh taste of Heineken Light yet? It is quite refreshing and doesn't reek of skunk ass like its non-light (or heavy) version. VERILY

I've been using "verily" a lot lately in places that I'm sure make no sense. That's why I'm a genius.

SCROOOOOGE! I believe this is our final. We're up over the thirty Photoshop layer mark, which is more than twice the magic necessary to make reindeers fly. I hold so much power in my hands- I TALK TO PLANETS WITH MY GIANT BRAIN AND ELEGANT LANGUAGE SKILLS

Thanks again Helen!

Tags: I Am Professional Pictures What? TV Pals

I know she is because I only work with THE BEST. She submitted two excellent photos for me to use on my Scrooge! project, and I think it is turning out quite nicely. I just now got done with the Photoshop comp, so you're seeing it before the client. They may hate it, but not me- I think it is super bad-ass and cool.

Here's the photo Helen sent that I used:

And here is the World Premier of the Scrooge! promotional image:

Bang-Pow!

Thanks again, Helen- you're a peach. Not fuzzy though. Peaches are fuzzy.

Tags: I Am Professional Pals Pictures

You might be able to help me in one of my design projects for FUN and PROFITS!!!

I've got this job for a regional theatre company, my best freelance customer. Among other shows they're putting on this coming season is Scrooge!, which will be their big Christmas family-oriented moneymaker next year. I've got to do the marketing images and brochures, posters, ads, etc. For Scrooge! they want Tiny Tim on Scrooge's shoulder, both gleeful in their newfound Xmas Spirit as they wander the streets in creepy period ecstasy. It will be moving, I assure you.

I have my Tim & Scrooge shot (which I am so glad I got, because this was the only one this kid would smile for), a serviceable logo, but no street. Here's what I've got so far. NOTE: this is basically untouched yet. I still have to do some things, mainly create a chin for Scrooge because they don't want the beard. This guy is an actor and couldn't shave because the beard is needed for a current show he's in.

I need a background! I'm not going to draw London. I'm just not. This is where you people and your cameras can maybe help me out for FUN and PROFITS!!!

Anybody got a picture of an old-looking London street with old-looking London buildings? Could you take one? There has to be lots of those things lying around that craggy old city. Or, it doesn't have to be London, it just needs to be old and English-y. It would be best if it didn't have easily recognizable landmarks or, of course, extremely modern portions that would be difficult to photoshop out. Really, the more non-descript the better, as I plan on blurring the hell out of it and making it look wintery. Oh- also, a daytime shot would be best unless it's nighttime lit by gaslight, which I think is unlikely since I know your time machine is in the shop right now.

Here are some examples of sort-of what I'm looking for:

This last one I'm including mostly for the perspective. If your shot has cars at the bottom like this, that's okay- I can take those out.

Okay, that was the FUN part, now PROFITS!!! Because this is a professional business-type transaction, I'll pay for a useable shot. How does twenty U.S. dollars sound? I don't know what that comes out in England money, like 12 shillings or something (an educated guess- I bet I'm super close). So if you have a shot like this just mouldering away on your hard drive, or can just step outside and take a picture with your phone or Insta-Matic or whatever it is you use for picture-taking, I'll Pay-Pal you bigtime. You will be able to put "Professional Photographer Person" on your resumé.

One thing- I won't be paying everyone who sends me pictures 20 bucks, just one super talented Photographer Person will be getting the cash. So I guess this is sort of a contest, but not really.

If you can help me out, please comment or e-mail me- matt @ crankymatty.com (except take out the spaces. We're so fooling spambots! Tee-hee!). Thanks lots in advance. I think I'll post this over at the WD too, what the heck.

UPDATE: Just wanted to mention that I'm only paying for an original, license free photograph. I could slog through stock photography sites and find something, but I'm trying to avoid paying license fees for something I'm just going to use blurry in the background.


In other news, this morning I stood at the kitchen counter for twenty minutes eating chicken skin. What is wrong with me?

Tags: Internet I Am Professional Pals Pictures

Must make quick- very tired, somewhat drunk, need bed soon. Things need updated, here we go.

Cavs finally lost to Deee-Troit! basketball team in a seven game struggle. Awesome- I had a great time watching basketball this year, and the future looks bright.

My Bettie and Will finally had their baby after a weekend of collective held breathing. Big problems, but all's good- go look at this thing if you like baby pictures. I hate baby pictures.

I've been unusually busy, and the kids have not been respectful of my time this week. Sleep back to brutal after weeks of making it until 7 a.m. every night for a month. Dad not happy, kids don't care- still cute. Jerks.

This unusual busyness, it's good, but also bad. See, this is supposed to be my slow time- my sit back and watch the checks roll in time. No- BUSY. And I know that my traditional busy season is coming. It'll be graphic design crazy go nuts soon! I can only sit here and sigh. SIT... SIGH

I just watched the last Harry Potter movie- what was that? Goblet of Fire? Think so. Anyway, I really deeply enjoyed it. Very good movie. Best yet, they've finally got that thing down. Still won't read the books, that's for queers.

I opted out of Soupy's Wetpaint mod thing. I was really serial about the LeBron James site, which I think could be very fun if done right, but I just plain don't have the time. I think I probably could've done some simple shit and strung her company along for a while to squeeze a few checks, but I'd feel just awful about it. They're doing nice things with our interweb over there and I don't want to screw with their flow. Chainsaw is still the smelliest girl in Smellytown though. I saw it in National Geographic two years ago- the Smellytown exposé. Those guys won awards for that stuff, but at what price? Is an award enough for the grieving widow and three small children (one of whom is crippled or someshit) of the Smellytown story photographer who lost his battle with nose cancer? Is that going to bring that poor guy back? No. No it won't.

Veronica Mars will be back next season! That brings so much excitement to all parts of my being, especially the shameful ones.

Tags: What? Kids Pictures Movies Pals T.V. Sports Internet

A few posts ago I mentioned something about the fact that I don't get a lot of sleep and it's all the babies' fault. I believe I whined "THIS WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!!!" or something thickheaded like that. In the comments my friend Beth (the not-Merope Beth) said "let 'em scream", which is very valid. Even in the long long ago I had always been of the opinion that letting the little bastards just rip it up until they fall asleep is the best way to go. But, I've got a big problem. See, we have two babies. That itself is not the problem. The problem is that one of them (we'll call him "Tyler") sleeps perfectly. It's the other one (umm, "Casey"? Yeah, that'll work) that wakes up screaming. So, if I let Casey go with all the nightime drama without running in to get him, he ends up waking Tyler and messing up his established and excellent patterns. I know this because we've tried it for a couple two week periods. It always ends up with me being totally exhausted and suicidal because I'm being tag teamed by angry babies all night. We've also tried putting them in different rooms, but Casey is loud enough when he gets going that Ty will wake up anyway. Hence, the status quo. Woe!

But, in related news, I am totally proving my old saying "Sleep is for sissies!" I'M NO SISSY.

Tags: Kids Pals The Home Front

I wrapped up a project at work half an hour before quittin' time, and since it is Friday and since I like to goof off and get paid (like you don't), I decided, instead of starting the next project, to continue my recent (half-assed) crusade to check up on old pals that I've let go un-checked far too long now*. This has been an only sorta successful campaign, mostly because I am easily sidetracked by life these days. Not to mention how amazingly, incredibly stupid I've become in the last couple years. I've never been under the impression that I was any smarter than anyone (and certainly not most of my net pals, who are some of the sharpest knives in the drawer), but at least I could keep up, you know? These days, not so much. It's actually been very frustrating- but that's another post. A sad post. One that I'll never make, because we don't do sad posts here at Cranky Matty's O.P., we only preach the Truth. The Truth is that I'm feeling very retarded! Maybe I had a stroke that I didn't notice. They hit quick, you know; and not just old fuckers- super young and pretty people like me can be cut down in the prime of life by a debilitating stroke. Billy Squier sang a song about it. You should check that out and take precautions, because you could be a winner boy- you move quite well.

I sent a PM to my (our) friend Chandler, who's real name is not Chandler, but she would not appreciate my revealing her trade secrets here so I won't. First of all, I was afraid that she had disappeared off the board (the Watcher's Diary over at Buffyguide, for those of you who don't know me from there), and that would have been just devastating. She let her very neglected blog dry up quite some time ago, and if I couldn't get her through the BG I'd have to just assume something terrible had happened, because I am a worrier. I'd have to write a letter or something, and Channy lives in Israel. Can you imagine the fricking postage? What, am I made of money, Chandler? Okay, I would have stolen the postage from the meter at work, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT. You had me very worried young lady- I hope you'll act more responsibly next time.

As it turns out she still logs into the BG enough so her online persona hasn't been dispatched to the ether. Bitchin'! I sent her a completely trivial and nonsensical PM which I'm certain she will enjoy whenever it is she gets to look at computers in that strange land of hers.

Basically, it just said that I haven't shaved in a few days, and betwixt that and my unkempt, spikey hair I look like I might be prickly to the touch.

That's the message I greet her with after almost no communication in two years. My social skills are just amazing! See all those spots swirling before your eyes? That's your sense of bewilderment! Wooooo! Or carbon monoxide poisoning! GET OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW.

Tonight! I am baby free until at least eleven o'clock p.m. as they are with Mommy visiting the sibs at Ohio State. What to do? WHAT? Thar be TiVo t'be catchin' up on (hours and hours!), and certainly I could do some work as I have Monday deadlines. And billing! I need to bill things for the people to send me money. Or clean- shit is PILING UP. Could definitely clean up. Or I could drink beer and type. Drink and type. Type and drink. That does have a certain appeal.


*Don't feel left out if I haven't included you in my Grand Crusade yet. My Grandness has thus far consisted of a few very desperate seeming PM's to Merope. I guess that makes it more of an Exploit than a Crusade, but "exploit" is a weak little sister of a word. "Crusade" is very George W. Bush-ian.

Tags: I Am Professional Kids Tunes Pals Internet TV

Since Dee brought up the totally sad fact that she has all Journey's records on vinyl (something she should never, ever tell anyone ever again, even if it isn't true), we should discuss the fact that they had really cool album covers. But not nearly as cool as Asia's. Check these things out! I think they had some other ones too, but for most of these I believe they never actually recorded any new songs for. They just shipped empty album covers. Nobody complained as that was all anyone bought these records for anyway.

Tags: Tunes Pals Internet