Now that they've stupidly killed Veronica Mars, I have no reason to watch the CW at all! I'm sort of a valuable demographic- 35 years old, college educated, gainfully employed, respectable household income (some of which is more or less disposable), kids, etc.; but whatever. They don't want me to watch, I'm cool with that. I own four TVs and also watch shows on two computers, but not one of those things will ever need to be tuned into the CW anymore. Nice!

I'm very excited because after this disastrous TV season, I've been able to gain so much valuable time. Of the shows that I still watch (and there aren't many), Veronica was the best. I'm still hanging with Lost. I gave up 24 four episodes ago and good riddance to that silly shit. I also gave up Gilmore Girls this season, and now that one's dead too, so I guess I wasn't the only one. It wasn't really bad this year, it just wasn't the Girls anymore, so out it went. I love Battlestar Galactica (and I have a project in the works for that- STAY TUNED), but I watch that one in three or four hour blocks because it seems more like a movie that way. The Venture Brothers was awesome, but the second season ended a long time ago. I claim to love all the NBC Thursday comedies, but I find I only really watch 30 Rock regularly, and I often let the others fall off the TiVo before I get around to them. I got hooked on The Unit for a while, because I liked President Palmer and the fancy military shit, but the writers have run out of good black ops stories so they started concentrating more on the wives at home, and those chicks are unbearable harpies. Terrible. I liked that sketch comedy show on VH1- Acceptable TV, but who knows if that's coming back. The Sarah Silverman Show was fun. Aaaaannnd... I think that's about it. Daily and Colbert sometimes when they're on.

Well, that means that on any given week of new programming, I'm committed to maybe two and a half hours of TV that is worth my time. That's an all-time low! Nice work, networks!

Damn you're fine, Veronica Mars.
R.I.P.

Tags: Veronica Mars Kristen Bell T.V. Venture Brothers Pretty Girls Pictures

I totally have no work to do this evening. Yup, just gonna take it easy, kick back, maybe finally post an entry here. After, of course, I get dinner for the kids. Then I have to walk the dog because we don't currently have a yard for him TO POOP ON (news on that in a moment) and get him dinner. Then it's bath time for babies, followed by playtime in their room and then getting them settled for bed. Then I have to water the non-yard (in a moment I said!) and walk the dog again because he refuses to pee in the driveway. Yup, just gonna do nothing and HOLY SHIT IT'S 10:45 AT NIGHT ALREADY MY GOD HOW DO I EVER GET ANYTHING DONE EVER??!?!?

I am the sort of person that rents movies and returns them unwatched because I never got around to it. King Kong sits on my dining room table, taunting me. You know how primates taunt, right? They fling their turds at you. Kong taunty-turds are big enough to knock over grain silos. I'm running out of silos! Dammit monkey!

Looks like I'm going to be a suburban slave. You might know what I'm talking about- those poor bastards who spend hours a day watering and preening their stupid grass on their postage-stamp plot of land so it is more lush and green than their neighbor who is out doing the exact same thing. I swore that I would never become beholden to my lawn because I hate yardwork and I hate keeping up with the Joneses and I'm allergic to all that's green and flowering. But now we have this brand new lawn coming in that I had a landscaping company install partially out of shame, since we had maybe the worst burnt up weedy mess on the street, and partially out of desire to have someplace where the kids could play without getting shredded up by thorns and nettles. Every day I've got my garden hoses and my sprinklers working early in the morning and late in the evening, the symbols of my new indenture to the tiny bright green filaments that are starting to pop out of the muck. I can't stop sneezing. I don't plan on being able to do this as well as most of my neighbors who are all retired and have nothing better to do all day than make their lawns glisten like perfect fucking emeralds in the noonday sun. I must say I'm making lots of friends though. I think it must be like this for women after they have a baby, it's like they've joined some exclusive club and suddenly are friends with all the other mommies and have so much to talk about. I stand out front with my hose in my hand like the chain around my neck it is and wave to all the other jackasses who will also be watering their lawns every day until they drop. I don't like these guys at all. But I can't stop watering, the grass will die!

Baxter can't touch his back yard, let alone pee on it, for like weeks. I've got a run set up in the driveway for him, but that isn't sitting well at all. He sulks all day. {Frowny face goes here.}

Happy! FINALLY my Venture Bros. Season One DVD's showed up from Amazon! They were held up in shipping, and it was just killing me. I will make time to watch these- life can go on hold for a while. This and Veronica Mars are the first teevee shows I've thought enough of that I needed to own them. I'm considering buying Battlestar Galactica too, but probably not. It's fun to watch and all, but I don't think I'll get that much more out of it through repeated viewings. I was really amazed at how much more I caught watching Veronica Mars' first season again knowing the eventual outcome. That show is amazing. Plus I have deep, sticky feelings for Kristen Bell. I was so relieved to learn that she's a 20-something that only plays a teenager on TV, because for a while there I was feeling guilty about the filthy, awful things that I was thinking about her and what I made the naked voodoo puppets I fashioned in our images do. Those puppets- they're insatiable.

Ooooh- in that world where there are no pants and I AM KING OF ALL I SURVEY.

Alternate caption #1: VOODOO!

Alternate caption #2: guh whoaa momma

Anyone heard this song by B.R.M.C.? It's The Balls.

Yes AMY, my kids are fronting an indie rock band. Actually, the fact is that I cut some of their hair like a year ago and by Becky's reaction you would have thought I'd chopped off their fingers. I totally didn't! It was just some hair! Jesus- never again. They will be some shaggy lil' devils.

Tags: Pictures I Am Professional What? Kids Movies Tunes T.V. Veronica Mars Kristen Bell Pretty Girls

I had a single minded, heart-aching crush on Amanda Pays in her Max Headroom days. I spent much of a summer at art school holed up in the library scouring fashion magazines for pictures of her which I would tear out and defile myself with animal aggression to later. I could not help myself, she drove me to absolute distraction by merely being alive. I only tell you this because I feel that Amanda Pays stands up very well to this day as a high quality object of hopeless teenage fanboy desire- beautiful and brainy, a female in control of any situation, a woman who demanded attention from her presence alone. Not at all like, say, Heather Thomas circa "The Fall Guy", for whom I rubbed myself raw for just because she had great cans. No way- Amanda was the whole package, the voice, the eyes, the accent, that thing that hot British girls do when they want to laugh at something but instead smile demurely as if to say, "I'll laugh at your jokes, but first you've got to earn it, boy." I suppose it cheapens this tribute to also mention that she had amazing, teenage-boy's-life-changing knockers. Wow. Wow.

Amanda Pays is now 46, has been married to Corbin Bernsen since 1988, and has four kids. I'm glad for her.

Tags: What? Pictures Good Times Pretty Girls