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Sports
It Gets Worse.

Oh I just ate so much kielbasa

10/09/07 12:36 AM
HOW 'BOUT THOSE INDIANS!!!!

I'm convinced now that they only win when I'm drunk. Holy crap- that's a heavy burden.

Tags: drunk Sports

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This is what happens when you screw around too long.

10/05/07 04:17 PM
Normally I'd just give you a list of all the sexy things that have happened since the last time I bothered with this thing, but there has been too many sexy things for just one entry, so I'm gonna break it down into component sexy bits over several entries. I think that's what the kids are doing these days with their Twitters and whatnot. This will all be very schizo and unorganized. You'll have to come to grips with that.

Been all over the place recently. First, we went to a wedding in beautiful New Jersey, which is not at all the cesspool the Sopranos led me to believe. Special shout out to the town of Basking Ridge, where every single person I met was the friendliest person I ever met. When the janitor at the temporarily closed train station drops what he's doing to provide you detailed instructions of the best way into New York for an overnight stay you know you're in a friendly town. You may say he was just painfully lonely and happy to have somebody to talk to, but I say he was painfully friendly, and since I'm an excellent judge of character I know I'm right and you obviously have trust issues you need to speak to your therapist about. Anyway, some pics from the reception.


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PLANTS

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MARRIEDS


We went on our usual vacation last month to the OBX, and that was just super. There was this tropical storm that was supposed to give us all sorts of problems, but that was some weak sissy storm if I ever saw one. It was good & windy for half a day and that was it. I'm conditioned to wake up before God does, so I was able to get this sunrise. He can't sneak 'em past me anymore.


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YOU HEAR ME GOD? I'M WATCHING YOU

More to come soon- my Indians are coming on to stomp the Yankees again. Better start drinking!



Tags: Pictures Travel Pals Sports What?

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Finally, a break in the fantastic action!

01/24/07 12:34 AM
I'm in my favorite local (sort of) bar, boozing it up all alone on a Saturday afternoon. Becky's got the kids in Columbus visiting the sisters and I'm left to my own devices today. Also, in bigger news, I'm all caught up with work. I stayed up until three every night this week and just DID IT. My last thing was a new illustration for the hot sauce guys. Somehow these two mega-italian dudes (real characters, I like them a lot, plus they pay fast) who needed a label illustration for some hot sauce they invented got my name & I drew a three-quarters naked girl riding a donkey for them a year or so ago. Evidently the sauce for which I made up this illustration for has won some awards and is quickly becoming very popular. So much so that they contracted me to do illustrations for four other new varieties, as well as a new variation of the original girl-on-donkey drawing that will be reproduced huge and mounted on the back of a bus they just bought to travel around the country in. Fun stuff! Here's the new art if you're curious-


Chooch&Pootan_2

You might be thinking that this girl's feet are impossibly tiny. That's because the hot sauce guys have absolutely no interest in feet. Boobs? You bet. I recall several conversations the first time I drew this- "This is really great. Really. But, uhh-" "Let me guess, you'd like to see bigger boobs." "YEAH!, I mean, yes, the boobs could be bigger."

Yay! My pizza just came. BRB-

Okay, I'm back. A few things about Mark's Time Out Grille, the bar at which I currently sit. First, it never seems like it should be the right place to go, but invariably it is. I don't know why exactly, there are a few closer places I like just fine, but something is always wrong with those places. It's not like I get out a lot, and certainly almost never without the wife & kids, so I've learned not to take any chances when it comes to sitting someplace drinking by myself. The music here is never something I would pick myself, but it's always just right, They just played the whole first disc of Billy Joel's greatest hits, most of which I haven't heard in a long time (mostly because I was never that big a fan). I must say that old Billy (as opposed to the "new" Billy songs that came out after 1982. God I'm old) sounds better every year as pop music becomes more soulless and generic. Can you believe that these were "pop" songs when they first came out? Weird. Another thing- they are totally disregarding the new Ohio law that says there can be no smoking in public buildings. At all. Under Penalty of Law and fines and public stoning and all that. But there are people lighting up all over. I actually voted for that law (which I regret now because it's a fascist hypocrisy and a lot of businesses are hurting because of it) because I don't like to smell bad when I get home. But, for some reason, Mark's wouldn't be right if I didn't smell bad later. So that's all good. AND- the pizza is excellent. No lie- some of the best around.

I've been on internet hiatus since basically October, so I've missed a few things. Mostly boring things. Xmas was good, except that Becky bought WAAAAYYYYY too many toys for the boys. I was actually mad at her for it, but not because of the money- toddler toys really don't cost very much. It was just so much stuff, they'll never play with it all. They aren't even into opening presents yet, so Becky spent like three days wrapping all the presents and she & I ended up opening all of them as Ty & Casey jumped on couches and spilled apple juice. Casey especially couldn't care less about any of the new stuff, he liked the abacus that was the very first thing we opened for him and still hasn't played with any of the other crap. And all the new toys take up so much room in our house, you can't walk anywhere anymore without tripping or breaking an ankle on something plastic that was made in China or India or Mexico. I have broken five ankles since New Year's. Of course, Becky was upset with me because I was upset with her, and words like "SCROOGE!" and "YOU HATE CHRISTMAS!" were thrown around, but whatever. I have a feeling that no matter what agreement we come to before Xmas about a limit to what we're getting the kids, it will be egregiously broken by the wife every year, so I guess it's best not to fight it.

In October my brother & I took sort of an impromptu long weekend trip to Florida to visit our grandparents. I drove the whole way from Cleveland and back. That was a lot of driving, but I'm a creature of the wheel on these things. We could have flown, but it was cheaper to drive, plus we needed an excuse to come & go when we wanted. I love my grandparents, but a little goes a long way, know what I'm saying? They aren't getting any younger, and we felt we needed to get down there when we could. It was a good trip overall. Here's a picture I got from their neighborhood-


PA210922
THERE'S FLORIDA!


I had written a whole long thing about how awesome and transcendent the Fiesta Bowl with Boise State beating Oklahoma was, but then my program here crashed and I lost most of it. I'm not the only loser here though, NO- it is you, dear reader, who is the biggest loser now. But, shit happens and I apologize for nothing. It was a really inspired paragraph, though. Lots of drama and whooping like an idiot and whatnot. Oh well.

Now it's Tuesday and I'd better post this thing. I leave you with the Xmas present I made for the grandparents this year,
click this for the Tyler & Casey 2006 movie. I was trying to embed it into the actual text here, but I haven't got that worked out just yet. So, it's a 28mb QuickTime link for YOU! Might take a while to download. Patience....

Tags: I Am Professional Pictures What? Good Times Lunch Travel Sports

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New Entry Please

05/27/06 01:36 AM
Must make quick- very tired, somewhat drunk, need bed soon. Things need updated, here we go.

Cavs finally lost to Deee-Troit! basketball team in a seven game struggle. Awesome- I had a great time watching basketball this year, and the future looks bright.

My Bettie and Will finally had their baby after a weekend of collective held breathing. Big problems, but all's good- go look at this thing if you like baby pictures. I hate baby pictures.

I've been unusually busy, and the kids have not been respectful of my time this week. Sleep back to brutal after weeks of making it until 7 a.m. every night for a month. Dad not happy, kids don't care- still cute. Jerks.

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This unusual busyness, it's good, but also bad. See, this is supposed to be my slow time- my sit back and watch the checks roll in time. No- BUSY. And I know that my traditional busy season is coming. It'll be graphic design crazy go nuts soon! I can only sit here and sigh. SIT... SIGH

I just watched the last Harry Potter movie- what was that? Goblet of Fire? Think so. Anyway, I really deeply enjoyed it. Very good movie. Best yet, they've finally got that thing down. Still won't read the books, that's for queers.

I opted out of Soupy's Wetpaint mod thing. I was really serial about the LeBron James site, which I think could be very fun if done right, but I just plain don't have the time. I think I probably could've done some simple shit and strung her company along for a while to squeeze a few checks, but I'd feel just awful about it. They're doing nice things with our interweb over there and I don't want to screw with their flow. Chainsaw is still the smelliest girl in Smellytown though. I saw it in National Geographic two years ago- the Smellytown exposé. Those guys won awards for that stuff, but at what price? Is an award enough for the grieving widow and three small children (one of whom is crippled or someshit) of the Smellytown story photographer who lost his battle with nose cancer? Is that going to bring that poor guy back? No. No it won't.

Veronica Mars will be back next season! That brings so much excitement to all parts of my being, especially the shameful ones.

Tags: What? Kids Pictures Movies Pals T.V. Sports Internet

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I WAS OUT

05/15/06 11:15 PM
Sorry- no interweb fo me this weekend. THE FUCKING SQUIRRELS ATE MY CABLE. I'm totally serial about this. THE SQUIRRELS.

Anywhoo, I feel like I've let someone down. And I hate to turn this into a sports blog because there are much more entertaining ones than I could do, but I feel like I'm a traitor to my homer roots by counting the Cavaliers out against the smelly Deeetroit Pistons. I said they'd be "whipped" by those stiffs, and LOOKIE WHO'S GOT THE SERIES BACK TO EVEN TWO TO TWO. That would be my Cleveland Cavaliers and the mighty (and if I could be so bold to say supple) LeBron James. Series tied all up, BITCHES. That's right, I just called everyone on the planet a bitch FOR NO REASON. Playoff Fever! Catch It! Bitches!

Thousands of people write about what is happening with James every time he bounces a ball, but I'll simplify all that for you folks- we are watching the greatest basketball player ever in real time, not just in historical perspective. LeBron James is 21 years old and he is already ripping up records Jordan and Magic set- JORDAN and MAGIC. His teammates BELIEVE. This franchise was a fucking joke four years ago. Today they might be a few steps away from the NBA finals*. Shit.

nba_g_james6_412BITCHES


*Getting ahead of myself? Maybe- but if... WHEN the Cavs win this series against Detroit, does anyone think the Nets or the Heat could beat them? I'll answer "no" for you.

Tags: What? Sports Internet Pictures

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Well, let's see here.

05/10/06 10:29 PM
Is it just me, or does it seem like the country we actually should be thinking about going to war with we can't go to war with because we're already fighting a war with a different country that we shouldn't have started fighting a war with (for the second time) in the first (second) place? Does that about nail it? I've been listening to NPR lately, and they get me ALL RILED UP. This is dismaying because I just know that we'll be fighting a war against one or more middle eastern countries for a long, LONG time, and I've got boys who will be draft age in seventeen years (if the government waits eighteen years to take 'em in the future, maybe we run out of eighteen year olds and they gotta start hitting them that just got eligible to drive), and haven't we learned from the Germans that you can't win a land war fought on two (or more) fronts?

Well.

My Cavs won their first round playoffs against the Washington Wizards in dramatic and intoxicating fashion. They're getting hammered in the second round by Deee-troit, but that's okay because there's no shame in getting whipped by the team that will go on to be the Champs. Nobody's gonna beat those guys, they're AWESOME. Next year, though- it'll be ALL CAVALIERS- BANG-POW!

I took a picture! Actually, lots of pictures! On Sunday when I was supposed to be working I went down to the 10 story LeBron James banner Nike has plastered all over the building across the street from Quicken Loans Arena. It is hard to take pictures of yourself and stuff behind you when that stuff is like a million blocks away. WE ARE ALL WITNESSES to my patchy stubble and greasy hair.

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It is HOT at work- our AC kicked back in my department, and we have no windows or ventilation of any sort. Today I was very moist and uncomfortable in all my Bad-Touch areas. Swampy.

Anybody hear the new Pearl Jam yet? Any good? I've heard it may be good, but I can't trust the word of strangers- I only trust the pretend people who live in my computer and occasionally leave comments.

Tags: Pictures Sports What? Tunes

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I now believe in magic.

05/06/06 12:00 AM
LeBron James just put The Whammy on Gilbert Arenas. This is LEGEND. My God- I AM A WITNESS.


Also drunk- will explain later.

Tags: Sports

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Good golly I'm floating on air!

05/04/06 12:14 AM
I'm kinda drunk and typing is making me sweat, but I just have to tell you that I love everything right now. LeBron hits another game winner- my man-crush is getting creepy and clearly visible to anyone paying attention.

More newer better posts soon, my babies have been sleeping through the night for three weeks now. Before that I hadn't had a full night of sleep myself in over two years. I'm growing less retarded by the hour- it's completely alarming, like a heavy fog is lifting and in the clearing mist you suddenly realize that you're staring into the off-putting face of Ernest Borgnine, and he's been laughing at you for months. Jerk!

Tags: Sports What?

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I totally forgot to tell you!!!!

04/26/06 10:58 PM
Yesterday we went to the Indians game. I normally wouldn't have gone because the Cavaliers were playing the Wizards in game 2 of the playoffs and I was NOT going to miss that game on TV, but the seats she wrangled from work were in the luxury box, and I was assured that other people in the group attending the game would want the Cavs game on in the box too. Basically, I went to a live baseball game to watch a basketball game on TV. You are thinking, "that's the dumbest thing ever", but we had babysitting so I couldn't pass it up. Anyway, both my teams lost ugly, leaving me in a spot of half-drunk depression as we left the stadium.

But, on our way back to the car that we had parked in a garage several blocks away, we decided to take a detour up the street where they are shooting Spiderman 3. There wasn't any filming going on at the time, but it was pretty cool just the same. They have this three block section of Euclid Avenue cordoned off, and they've refaced most of the buildings with New York looking signage and details. They built a fake subway entrance into one of the sidewalks which looked completely real- it wasn't until we got right up to it that I could see that it didn't actually lead anywhere. The street itself was resurfaced with new lines painted on, which I can attest from driving on that normally potholed busted up stretch of shitty road just last week that this was all new just for the production. The best part was that a night crew was hard at work ripping a huge crater right in the middle of Euclid Avenue, obviously for the next day's shooting. Wrecked cars with New York license plates were lining the area, ready to be tossed around by interesting looking catapult doohickeys.

Not a completely wasted evening after all!

Tags: Sports Movies What? The Home Front

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Put on that old magic top hat those kids found and... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

04/05/06 08:15 AM
That's right, the big THREE-FOUR today (yesterday now!). Woooo>hack-hack WHEEZE!

Nothing really good happened today (yesterday*). Oh! Except that I got audited by the IRS and it seems I owe them a little over a thousand bucks from 2004! Hooray! It appears that my tax guy (stares at Beth who's dad is my tax guy) maybe forgot to include one of my 1099's on my return. OOPS! I have to get with him & straighten stuff out, but that certainly was good B-day news! I'm not gonna cry about it or anything, if it is indeed a mistake I'll just pony up the cash, it's not like I was not going to pay my taxes or anything edgy and anarchic like that. The government seems to realize it was just a mix-up, there isn't any penalty or anything. No harm no foul, except, y'know, the grand I have to drop to finance the military industrial complex. Oh well, Becky made cupcakes! Yellow ones with chocolate frosting. Mm-MMM.

Quick obligatory homer sporting reference- CAVS & TRIBE RULE... everyone else can suck it.

Real life conversation between me & my brother at work, where we have a lot of time to talk about the most god-damned retarded things:

Z: "Who do you think is hotter, LeBron James or Grady Sizemore?"

M: "Hmm. Well, if it's just for looking at, I say Grady. He's like a perfect angel I want to set on a shelf and stare at for a thousand years. BUT- if it's sex we're talking about- LeBron, hands down. Ooh! He'd just rip you up.

And then I made the same Mm-MMM sound that I had just made when we were talking about IRS audits and cupcakes a little while ago.




* Babies won't even let me finish an O.P. entry on my birthday.

Tags: Good Times Sports What?

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I like sports.

02/05/06 01:55 PM
When most sports teams are bad, their fans are angry and stop supporting the lousy product by not going to the games.

When the Cleveland Browns are bad, their fans are angry and buy season tickets.

Why? Retardation, that's why.

Tags: Sports What?

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