I've been totally out to lunch for some time now, so those of you who have been wondering what's up or have been attempting to contact me, well, thanks. Everything's gonna be okay. I think probably there's a time or two (or twenty if you're a real sad case) in everybody's life where shit just doesn't go their way, and I'm jammed up in the middle of that at the moment.

No autism update today, I'm not up for it and I need to save some stuff for a big post on that anyway. Things have been rough in that area, sure to get rougher; we'll leave it right there for now.

Then there's the whole grandfather-failing-health thing, which is a real kick to the balls and a big problem for everyone involved. In the next couple weeks I'm driving to Florida again, this time with my mom, to see what we can figure out to do. We may have to force my grandparents to move back to Ohio, into my folk's house. That's not going to be real fun, especially since by the time we can make it happen it'll be the dead of winter in Cleveland. What really gets my goats about this situation is that both my grandparents are decorated WWII vets, my grandfather liberated Dachau for cryin' out loud, and they can't get any benefits from our awesome government. Money which is sorely needed, by the way. Oh- the paperwork is filed with the Veteran's Administration and has been for many many months, and we keep hearing that benefit disbursement is "imminent", but something or other is awaiting approval and my grandparents will need to wait another month or two. Another month or two has stretched now into January before anything is promised, and we have learned the hard way that the thieves and liars at the VA will probably find a way to make it a longer wait than that. The goal here, of course, is to tie up any benefit a vet may have earned in red tape and delays until the vet is dead and doesn't need it anymore. How great is that? Seriously, I don't have any earthly clue why anyone would want to serve in the armed forces. What a fucking racket they're running. And the punchline is that we have no real idea what sort of money the government will eventually pony up to help out- it could quite possibly be next to nothing, like enough to buy a bus ticket and a cup o' joe on your way to your glorious future of poverty and neglect. Hooray!

And where the FUCK are my doughnuts?!? A sales guy here we (the art department boyz) constantly do favors for had been asking to take us out for lunch or something for months as payback. First- we do not go out for lunch. Ever. Second, going out to lunch with this guy is punishment, not payback- he's a big head fucktard faux-hippie Bush supporting know-it-all bad mustache douchebag who always feels the need to make jello-brained smalltalk when clearly it is not necessary or even appreciated. So, finally, last Friday he asks again when can we go out to lunch, and I tell him, "Hey, Dave- we don't really have a lot of time for lunch. How 'bout you just bring us doughnuts? We sure love doughnuts! I'd marry doughnuts- they're so sweet and lovely. Bring us doughnuts!" He said Monday! We'd! Have! Doughnuts! And we wouldn't have to sit across a table from him pretending we're pals or anything. WINNER! Today's Tuesday. No doughnuts. I BOUGHT MILK. Fuck that guy.

Oh, and I just watched the first five episodes of Heroes this year. SUCKS. They all suck. Vague spoilers. Avert your eyes if you give a shit, although I assure you it isn't worth getting worked up about. My two dimwit dads? Hiro back in time? Peter has fuckin' amnesia? Awful. At least Kristin Bell nuked a lame bit player right out of the gate. MORE OF THAT PLEASE.

NOW do you see why I don't like posting these things when I'm down? Has this been fun for anyone? No. No it hasn't.

Fine- kid pics from the vacation that seems like it was a thousand years ago.

Tags: Swearing DIE DIE DIE Big head douchbags doughnuts Pictures OBX

Fresh and new! Smells like a shoe! It's a new theme!

Not going to lie here people, I've been down in the dumps a bit lately. Lots of circumstances contribute to this, not the least of which is the goddam weather. But, today we have had lots of sunshine and it seems like spring is finally fucking here. Fuckin' A. The continual grayness of each day just grinds on me like a crackhead table dancer two dollars short of a fix. It's relentless.

WHOOPS! I should warn you- this entry may include some swear words because I feel like swearing a lot for no real reason. Little late on the fucking warning you say? Well fuck me! You're fucking right. I'm totally sorry about that! Totally fucking sorry!

AAAHHHH.... that's better.

Sad news that I was belatedly made aware of via Entertainment Weekly a few weeks ago- the singer for Boston, Brad Delp, killed himself. I'm sure I would have heard this much sooner if I hadn't given up on classic rock radio years ago. But late as it is, it is sad news nonetheless. The first CD I ever purchased was Boston's first self-titled disc, and back then CD's cost like 25 bucks, so that was a major commitment. That dude sure could wail.

Happier news- we've had some very productive meetings with various doctors and county representatives in regards to Casey's autism, so we're feeling good about that. Soon we'll know more about what hoops we're gonna have to leap through for school and therapy and stuff. More info later.

Did anyone catch the last 30 Rock? The main gag of the episode was a running Cleveland joke; Liz was considering moving here with her new boyfriend to get away from the pressures of New York. Usually these things are just mean pokes at our little town, but 30 Rock went the other way with it- making us look so ridiculously great that, if you didn't know any better, you'd wonder why everyone didn't want to move here. "We all want to flee to the Cleve!" It was very funny and kind of sweet. One of the writers on the show must be from here because they seemed to know an awful lot of tiny details, although I don't think they'd spent a lot of time here recently as there were several references to how great the clubbing is down in the Flats, which as everyone here knows is nothing but a crime ridden, giant river rat infested empty shell of what it once was years ago (the new Flats is the warehouse district). It was an awesome tribute in spite of some tiny dated details, however. If you guys haven't seen 30 Rock, please do- it is a great sitcom. By the hammer of THOR!

Speaking of hammers, I just found my good one in the basement and it MADE MY FUCKING DAY. I'd broken a whole bunch of shitty hammers fixing the fence that I installed last summer (incorrectly of course, hence the fixing part). I couldn't find the good one, and it was very distressing. That hammer has been passed down to me from my father, and to him by his father before. It's magic and ancient and nigh-invulnerable. In fact, if I'd had that hammer when I put up that fence, I'm certain I would have done it right the first time. It's that powerful. It would prevent me from stupidly hanging a fence fucking backwards.

And oh, Venture Bros. Season 2 on DVD. People- I can't stress this enough- this show is the motherfucking balls.



I leave you with my latest religious-themed license plate find. I shot this on the freeway this morning on the way to work. Since I can't look through the viewfinder of the camera while driving (that would be very unsafe for me and other drivers!), I just had to point in the general direction of the car and shoot like a hundred pictures. And, since I wasn't sure that I'd gotten a good one using that method, and I wouldn't be able to check until I was safely stopped off the freeway somewhere, and if I did wait to check and I didn't get the shot I'd have missed any opportunity to get the shot again, I decided the best thing to do would be to run this car off the road and just get the picture while they were flipped upside down in the ditch or smashed against the retaining wall. As it happens though, one of the shots I got on the road worked out best anyway. Hooray!

Tags: Internet T.V. Venture Brothers Swearing License Plates Pictures

There is not enough time in my day. That's cool because I've got two neato kids now, but it is really sad too because I have very little ME TIME anymore. Back in the Halcyon Days (which is I believe a political term in reference to the Clinton administration) I had all this time where I could run my mouth via keyboard over at the BG and blow people's minds with my unbalanced wit, delicate sense of empathy and excellent use of markup. I was a TRIPLE THREAT. Now I change diapers real good. I think maybe the worst of it is the sheer isolation. The closest I come to current events outside of which rerun of Jack's Big Music Show NOGGIN is running today is the line from the previous night's Cavs game. I try sometimes to watch the news, but after a year or so away from it, it is hard to get back into harsh reality. Any given evening, I turn on the news and the first three things I see, without fail, are 1) 45 people dead at a wedding reception we mistakenly bombed in Iraq, 2) Couple who kept 13 retarded foster children in cages in their basement for three years plead not guilty, and 3) Drunk driver crosses median on the freeway and collides with soccer mom SUV, killing three children ages 2, 4 and 8. I don't know why the news stations here keep running the same three stories over and over, but I generally turn it off after that 'cause I just can't deal.

Ahh- screw that stuff. What the hell? DON'T TYPE WEEPY NONSENSE. That was rule # 1 here, and I was about to totally blow that.

Okay, different tack. Is that a sailing thing? Tack? I must say, even though I've been not so good at keeping up with it daily (I'm a BUSY PERSON), I find doing the Tip of the Day deeply satisfying. I don't know if anyone besides me reads those, but I find me hilarious. It's like, when I was a kid I used to love Peanuts comics. Not the dailies, the old school book collections. The genius of Charles Schulz was that he didn't write comics for the quick hit gag- it was a cumulative effect. Those things weren't funny 'til you'd read two hundred or so in a row, and then they were ALL funny. That's what I'm shooting for with Tip of the Day- there will be plenty of days I just don't have it, or maybe the ones I've agonized over specific wording for hours and I feel are awesome don't impress you at the time. But then, hopefully, you read them all in one sitting sometime and laugh 'til your guts hurt. That might be a long time from now. Like, decades. Good gravy, I'll be dead.

Fun's over, Ty's awake. Not even 12:30? Dang.*


* Edit: I changed "Fuck" to "Dang", because in the light of day it doesn't seem as bad as all that.

Tags: What? TV Kids Swearing